Hey Cathy~ Just stopping by to say hi and YOU ROCK!!
Quote: MY life is one big positive!!!
This is Woderful! And you are so right. You have many positives. Your a terrific mother and your son is... well he sounds beautiful. I have two sons 22 and 19 so enjoy that little boy time! Way too soon you'll be dealing with driving, girlfriends, and curfews!
Your H is trying to figure things out. And detachment is the key. Gosh where has that ever been said before??
My focus and goals are to detach and not get caught up in all that drama. I will still be here for H, but I can't help, so I'll just leave him be.
Prayers and good thoughts to you. And glad sping is making its way to you.
Quote: My focus and goals are to detach and not get caught up in all that drama.
And to keep doing this over and over again. You are awesome, Cathy. You are so wonderful.
Today, I am going to plant some tomato plants in my garden and get my strawberries covered before the dear eat them!! My yard is full of blooming trees... what a wonderful treat straight from the Lord!!
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I haven't been posting positives and do need to do that more often. Becuase I am doing fine and for the most have been doing fine.
Asked H if he had plans for Saturday night and he said "probably" and I said oh that's too bad I have a babysitter and wanted to take you out to eat for your birthday (which was in December). We talked a little more and I said so you have plans for Saturday and he said well not for sure. Even if H does come up with something to do without me I will do something, also.
March madness is upon us and our basketball team is playing Friday night. I have a babysitter lined up for tomorrow night so that H and I can go and watch the game at a sports bar. I told H I was trying to arrange this, also.
It seems H liked OW's ambition, meaning she'd arrange things for them to do. BUT she didn't have a child either. (And to complain I would TRY to do this for H and me, but H would never want to do anything with me or he'd say no and then change his mind--this was always frustrating! And why is the mother the one that has to make the sitter arrangements.)
So I'm hoping H and I can spend sometime together this weekend.
H had his doctor appt. yesterday, they did xrays/blood tests so hopefully they can find what's really wrong with H. Although I'm sure H didn't tell them about his heavy drinking.
Doc: Do you drink? H: Yes Doc: Once a week, twice a week? H: Yes, about that. Doc: How many drinks a night? H: A few... ME: ...gallons!!!!
I've been reading but not posting--only because Laurie seems to be holding well here with you. And I must say that I think your courage and willingness to love through a problem must be commended. Blue ribbon time...
This must be the substance abuse time of year for lots of folks... at least ones in my circle. My brother is at my parents house waiting to enter rehab (for the zillionth time)--he's on a waiting list. Oh, and he's probably going to jail in April for quite awhile.
That being said, do you attend Al-Anon meetings? There are good ones and bad ones, but the good ones make the effort very worthwhile. You've already got a wonderful take on detaching while your H realizes he has a problem, but I'm just thinking more about some local support as well.
I also think you have so much to offer those who haven't come as far on the journey as you obviously have.
Keep smiling, girl!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I've heard good things and bad things about Al-Anon so am nervous about attending. There are a number of meetings all over this city, too. Even my doctor said something like "they'll tell you to kick him out and you're probably not ready for that?" so..
H was out last night, got home about 11ish, jumped in the shower and then came to bed. Was up before 5 am and left for his job shortly after he was up. I know how long it takes him to get to his jobsite so unless he started early today he was sitting around for awhile before he started.
H called me about mid-morning. I answered the phone and said "hello" there was a lag and then a very unemotional/dead sounding voice of my H saying Hello back. I asked him if he had been out drinking green beer last night and he said no. Korbel and Coke. We chatted briefly and H said he had to go.
Quote: I also think you have so much to offer those who haven't come as far on the journey as you obviously have.
I don't have a way with words like so many other well respected DBers do, thus my hesitation to post to others. Although I do have days when I can be very articulate. For the most part have trouble putting thoughts to words.
My little guy gets up this morning and comes running out to me for a big hug and an I luv you momma and a kiss. He is sunshine in my life. And there are the days when he won't listen, won't do what I tell him to do, throws his toys, takes something he isn't supposed to have and the chase is on...we usually end up on the floor laughing..that's why he's not afraid of me!!
The ones who tell you to kick him out are the bad kind of groups... you don't want to be in a support group that is judging you for the path you elect to take. You will know within a few minutes if the meeting is something that is good for you.
I had to hit several before I found one that I could deal with. A support group should be like the BB--people who validate your feelings, give you helpful guidance when you ask for it (and sometimes when you don't), let you speak your mind and help you detach from the alcoholic and their problem.
I haven't been to a meeting since I lived in CA... mostly because I was able to separate myself from my brother (and my parents) emotionally. But I'm here to tell you that the good groups ARE out there if you are motivated to look.
I'll disagree with you on your perception that you don't have much to say. Cathy, you're a really nice person... a good friend and a great mom. And you love someone so much you're willing to watch him self destruct while keeping him in your daily life.
I'd say you have every reason to believe that you have LOTS to offer others. Don't sell yourself short, okay? Or I'm going to have to bring a few clubs up your way to knock some good sense into you! Don't make me do that, because my swing stinks...
Take care.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Quote: And you love someone so much you're willing to watch him self destruct while keeping him in your daily life.
hmmm....is this a good thing? or am I nuts?
I don't know what Al-Anon can offer. I know H has a problem, I think H knows he has a problem. It's just dawning on me, looking back over the last couple of weeks, that H no longer comes right out and say where he's going/stopping anymore..like he's afraid to tell me/embarrased that he's stopping to drink or he's at the bar. I know and he knows where he's going, but he hasn't been saying it the last few times he has stopped nor will he tell me where he was if I do ask...so is this a babystep on H's part, maybe H is realizing his drinking problem is real and out of control.
I'm not calling you nuts! Not even close. Loving someone who is battling a disease is not an easy path. There seem to be so many times where we lose sight of our own boundaries just to keep things on an even keel...
I wish I didn't have any experience on this path to share...
I'll keep you guys in my prayers. Hopefully, your H will decide that living like this cannot go on one minute more and commit himself to doing the work he will need to do to get healthy. I will pray for that outcome.
My brother is probably a case for St. Jude, but I still pray that he decides his life is worth living clean as well. It's not my job to give up on him. But I have elected to remove myself from his daily drama and his tendency to suck the family into it.
Hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
For the most part have trouble putting thoughts to words.
Don't make me do that, because my swing stinks...