MLC? Let it Be.

[LiveNow]

Job - thank you so much for your note and your kind words. I've been really down in the past week or so, still am. And no one around to talk to about this at the moment. Maybe it is the holiday. Everyone is on family vacations, including my XH, with OW, in FLA, with her kids. Ugh. This is SO hard. I was doing much better, but it keeps coming back.

I appreciate the reminder about keeping calm when/if the discussion ever takes place. This is key (in any similar situation, too). I have a hard time keeping things in check when there is so much emotion involved. And as for an apology? I got several already throughout last year, the latest one last October or so. He apologized for everything - except his relationship with OW for a year and a half while we were still married, while he kept me on the back burner. That's the only apology I ever really thought he needed to make - we both made so many mistakes. I could forgive everything else without an apology for those things. I don't think I'll ever get that apology for OW. And yes, he absolutely felt very guilty about everything and wants to 'be friends.' Has told me how sorry he was for being such a 'bad husband.'

I guess I did expect to be 'over him' by now, and sometimes I think I am. But then I have days like this. I keep pretty busy, but I am so, so tired of the loneliness -- I have lots of friends, and some family here, but you all know how it is, at night, first thing in the morning, going to bed and waking up alone, and eating alot of meals alone. And I'm a person who enjoys my alone time! But sometimes it's just too much.

Well, the house is going up for sale in the next couple of weeks, so I know things will be busy for at least a few months. Maybe that will help me keep my mind off things. And I hope once I get into a different place, all those reminders around me daily will be gone. I hope. I also have to go to our vacation home and gather the few things I want from the house. That's going to be difficult too. (He's buying it from me.) I loved that house. I loved summer Friday afternoons, when we'd be on the road by 5, heading north for a weekend in the woods, at the beach together. We lived for that.

Think I will go to yoga tonight, since my meditation class was cancelled!

Oh, can't remember if I already wrote this or not: XSIL (XH's sister) and her H (my old friend from high school) moved into their new house two houses down the road from me. Thank God there is one house in between (XSIL blames me for everything). I can still see their cars, and XH's car if he's over there. It is definitely time to move.