Nole_Girl (1) Intro

[NoleGrl]

At one of my counseling sessions in February, the C asked if H could come to the next session and I said sure. So at the end of the month, we went back together for the first time in a month. His demeanor was different this time. Not as cold as he had been. Still blaming me but not as forceful. Still said he didn't know what he wanted,sometimes he missed me and wanted to come home, sometimes he didn't. Said he felt like I was using our vows to trap him into staying married. Asked what if he chooses to work on it and we just go back to the same old relationship. After he left, the C said she worried that if we did decide to work on it, he would hold everything over my head forever.

During this time we were dealing with an insurance issue and we talked on the phone numerous times for the first time since October. All excuses for him to text, call, etc. But still only dealing with business matters, no real conversation. Although I still very much wanted to save my marriage, I think I started to feel differently. Questioning how long I was willing to wait for him to decide, feeling better and not so sad/angry all the time.

We finally made some plans to do dinner around 3/16. Since I felt better, I was able to act nicer, act "as if", not bring up the R. Since then we have had dinner/lunch every week. H has not cancelled and has even been the one to bring it up a couple times.

I went to the C a few weeks ago and I told her I thought I was getting to the end. It's just hard to understand how someone can't know whether or not they want to be married to you after 6 months. I know that many others on this board have been waiting for their spouses for a lot longer, but it just seems unfathomable to me. I want to move on with my life. While I would like to do it with him, why am I putting so much effort into saving a marriage that he doesn't want? Why do I want to be with someone so bad that doesn't want to be with me?

3 weeks ago, he started being very chatty over text. Asking what I was doing for the weekend, wondering who I was going out with, checking in to see how I was doing. Saying thank you for doing the taxes, taking care of paperwork, etc. I generally answer (not right away) and keep it vague. Then almost nothing for a few days. Then back again asking how my day was, wondering my plans. My birthday was the Sunday before last. I had plans with some girlfriends to go out to dinner and then out. He was very curious to where we were going, who I was with, etc. We went out and had a great time, stayed out until 2. On Sunday morning, I got a happy birthday text. We chatted a little over text, he was very curious about my night, and that was it. And at that point, I felt done.