Alpha One, Alpha All #

[alpha99]

Thanks toots!

Again, I had started to write a long and meandering post but I'll keep this quite short instead.

I had a great day today with kids. The kids did too. I know I'm their father but I can see how they love me so much in so many of the things they say and do. I am a very, very lucky person.

I will always have my W to thank for giving me two beautiful little human beings.

I felt down at points throughout the day. So many things bring about thoughts of W. I need to work on that. One idea I have is to look into NLP to reframe things. I did look into NLP a few years ago for unrelated reasons but I think it may have some use here for me.

I'm in a lot better place mentally than I was just a few weeks ago. I nearly cried today at one point when I was driving and the kids were asleep. I didn't though. I held it back. It was hard but I did it. I will keep doing it. It WILL get easier.

I was interested to read Starksy's post in Complex's thread about what you might have done that leads your W to fear she is losing you. I guess I haven't done anything. I'm not pursuing now, and I don't want to do things for the sake of 'tactics' or whatever, but it's an interesting point that he makes and something I'll have to think about.

My phone has been on silent so I've missed two calls from W in last 30 minutes or so. The last one was at 10pm. I won't be answering any calls tonight. She's had all day to call. She needs to realise that she can't just access me whenever she feels like. Yes, I do have the kids right now. If there was a problem I'd have contacted her. 10pm is pretty late to be calling anyone I'd say.