The last couple of sessions in counseling were starting to deal with my porn addiction problems as well. That was very helpful, I have to realize that is why I did a lot of what I did. I didn't any to touch her, didn't want to face reality, and I was wanted her to be more like the woman I was watching. And that's not really the case, I was hiding my insecurities with things under the addiction. It was the only thing that made me feel good.
I have been going to another site, devoted to this problem. I am trying to seek some support and guidance for that there. It has only been a short time, but I am hoping all of this will lead to better things. I really had a wake up moment last week. I know we have these from time to time, but it really hit home. I did love my W, and I did want to be able to be with her. But right now, I can't even be there for myself. Without that I am nothing.
I have been tripping over myself to be nice to the WAW since we moved back in. That was absolutely the wrong thing to do. Totally lost vision of me, and how badly I was just fawning over her. That's just not healthy, for either of us. And when she said you are not attractive to me, it was the straw that broke my back. Inside I lost it, outside I held it together. But inside I was a mess of emotions and anger. That's where my light came on. What am I doing this for? I'm killing myself and she is literally just laying in bed doing nothing. I have had enough, but it still hurts the same.
