Moving on: Building more social network for myself, moving on with my job and making progressions, going to school...etc all the GAL activities. She sees I am working on myself, going to IC, doing what I do. I know she notices positive developments. No R talk in a while, no controlling Complex anymore, I let her live her life too. We are just roommates right now. I feel like I am having a life myself, independent from my M. Definitely more independent.
I think the problem, when one is bombed, they know about an affair, and the spouse KNOWS that they know . . . it greatly changes the entire dynamic, as I've written about repeatedly.
And so if you're not careful with the "neighborly friendly vs. friend-friendly" thing . . . and if you're "you'll be there no matter what" list is too long . . . then even the "actions that indicate I'm moving on" list like you have here MIGHT be coming across as "Oh Complex is just doing all those things to try to show me what a great catch he is, to win me back."
It's a tricky balance, because you DO have to do those things, both because GALin, self-improvements, etc. are THE RIGHT THINGS TO DO just for yourself but also because they work to re-attract a wayward spouse. But if they come across as a TACTIC, or -- worse -- the ol' "PICK ME!" dance . . . not so good.
I have no way of knowing how you're coming across to her, as all we get are your posts, but just throwing out food for thought.
