I don't think I'm replying at all actually. Don't want to stop no contact and then have to start all over again. I sense she is feeling me out and I am not coming out to play.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Good for you ItHurts. Let the idea of you having moved on sit with her and become a part of her reality for a bit.
Just catching up with your situation. Sorry for the loss of your brother.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Thanks Pilot! Yeah I'm not responding. Let sleeping WAWs lay. I have a actually become quite fond of a waitress that I've known since about the time I started going out to this local club every weekend...around the time after the initial Hiroshima...almost a year ago already. We've always had a little thing between us but it has developed slowly but lately things are a bit more open with us because we actually talked about it.
Anyway, I would be interested now to go back and read my posts here from last year this time when everything seemed so destitude. I'd read stories here back then here about people where this same WAW thing had happened to them and after a year or so they were established in a new life. I couldn't even imagine it back then when I first posted my sitch here...that I would ever be able to "get there" in terms of life without WAW after 18 years.
Still here I am in the very place I'd never thought I'd be...where WAW not being around is now the norm...a comfortable one for the most part. I still admittedly think about reconciliation but as I've said before I just think of it as either way...either outcome I want, reconcile or not, has to come via the same way...living for myself. Makes my course of action simple. I will say it blew my socks off when that text came in earlier tonight. Never, ever expected to hear from WAW. Today also marks a milestone...it is a full cycle of holidays apart. The blueprint is laid now...I never have to say that getting through a holiday is hard again...been there, done that, got the shirt! LOL!
Last edited by ItHurts; 04/06/1504:01 AM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Well guys..I decided to leave it alone and not reply so I never did. I think I made the right call and feel good about my decision today.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
One thing I forgot to mention that I just remembered... one of my WAW and my mutual friends and I crossed paths late last week. She wad in our wedding party and we spent a lot of time with her over the years. I wonder if she went back an mentioned to WAW that she ran into me and that prompted the Easter text. Not that it matters but it is something curious. In any case, as I said, I never replied back and have stayed NC...I still think I made the right call as Pilot suggested.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
I was one of the just completely quit posting. Was a terrible mistake on my part. But I'm glad you are doing well. Hopefully I can glean some knowledge from you. The WAW recently said not interested in intimacy, and thought we could have a beer together as friends and that's it. I guess I didn't do enough and overshot my goals. Having to really let go now. Good luck to you though and keep up the work.
Thanks Roid I will be happy to lend any advice. I will say though, at least for me, it's always been about no contact. Since the day she moved out I initiated contact maybe 3 times out of necessity. Other than that I don't call,text, or anything. I just wiped her out. If she wants to talk...she can contact me...I won't do it and I refuse to. So really its been all about no contact with me that's got me through. Every day that passes that you don't contact makes you feel empowered.
Give her what she wants...a life without me means JUST that...a life without me. Hasta levista. It hurts like hell but it not only empowers you...but it causes you to move on. That's really the best advice I can give...no contact at all. Be happy and confident...even if you're not...basically fake it until you make it.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Hey, question since you are in the place you are at. Have you given up all hope for ever R? Does that ever start to go away at some point? I feel like it will always be in the back of my mind.
Hey, question since you are in the place you are at. Have you given up all hope for ever R? Does that ever start to go away at some point? I feel like it will always be in the back of my mind.
Hey Roid, maybe I can answer that for you. The answer is both yes and no. At some point everyone (or most) will reach a place emotionally where they move on. And by that I mean they are ok with the idea of a future without their spouse. They may start to date or may still wait. But their actions are no longer controlled by the thought process of how the spouse may view it/react. Everything is done for your own benefit.
Case in point, me. My BD was 2 Septembers ago, found out about A last April, she filed D in May, and separated last June. I started DB in June and was very active here on the forums. I was able to detach pretty well over the summer and progress was made and lost at various points. She never served me on the D. But then sometime around October I realized I was ok without my W and I dropped the rope completely. I was no longer my goal to win her back. It was my goal to make the best of life for me and my kids with things I could control. She was off on her own journey and responsible for her own actions. Me on mine. I actually filed for D in the new state we had moved to as she had never served me on her filing. I am ok with the D. Now does that mean that every now and then I dont sometimes think about R? Sure, it crosses my mind. I have even thought about how it could/would happen. I dont dwell on it, but given how our relationship has become very friendly since October, it would not surprise me if she does try to R before going in front of a judge. Especially since I learned more about what was going on and why she probably felt we would never be able to R.
Everyone will have their own limits and their own timeline. Eventually you will reach a point in your life where you feel more in control and your W has less power to influence your actions. Does not mean you have given up, it just means you have progressed. How you go from there is up to you.
Hope this helped.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
