My biggest worry is that if I detach, it's just going to push him to the other woman.
Often, that is not a bad thing. Many OP's merely want the fantasy of the illicit affair, and NOT the mundane, day-to-day, relationship with the cheating spouse with its bad breath, DRAMA, and boring details of everyday life.
Affairs thrive on secrecy. Best case, your detachment re-attracts him, but if it doesn't -- that's not a bad thing either . . . not in the short-term.
