Need Help 3

[Sotto]

"My only concern anymore is my D14 and her safety. She has brought up some concerns to me and I need to make sure I keep her protected"

Hi Errod, it sounds like a difficult balance here. Your W probably isn't being an A star parent right now. But in the longer term, it's going to be in your D's best interests to have a good R with her Mum if at all possible. I imagine you're treading a fine line between wanting to protect your D, and helping her maintain the important R with her Mum in so far as this is possible...

Glad that things have 'clicked' for you :-)

[errod]

All W has to do is text me and I realize I am not over her, even as much as she hurt me.

I kept my answers very basic and did not ask any additional questions, but I do miss her. It was the first communication we had since I picked D14 up yesterday morning.

I actually did not expect to here from her since she was asking D14 to go to Furious 7 all weekend with her and she kept telling her know. D14 called me Saturday and asked me if I would go with her and her friends today. Which I did.

[PatientMan]

You're doing well! It just gets easier with time (like anything else, practice makes perfect...or as my old football coach used to say: "PERFECT practice makes perfect", but I digress).

Remember to plan ahead. You're on a diet and she's offering up pizza, tacos, ice cream...whatever. Know ahead of time how you will act, what you will say, and what is "off limits". It's much easier to react to an emotional jab if you've trained and prepared than if you're dazed and flying by the seat of your pants.

-PM

[Vanilla]

Errod

As PM says you are doing well, and in my book you have turned a big corner in detachment. And it lovely to read, even though you would like your M back.

What evidence do you have that D14 is at physical risk? This is important to know, and ideally D14 needs her mum as much as her dad, I agree with Toots on that. presumably D will be safe if she goes to a film with her mum so that and meals out would be a great choice. If WW is using hotels sounds like a shame and hide issue.

V

[errod]

Had to meet with attorney this morning to go over things for our first court day May 11th. Things are really getting real.

I also had W texting me all day because she wants to schedule summer vacations. She wants to take D14 on vacation 6/12-6/16.

It is really sad because I always wanted to go on vacations and she always said she couldn't take off work. Now she is going in later and taking days off when ever she wants.

It was very hard but I never fought with her during any of the text messages this morning. I took my time responding and told her it was fine that they go on vacation. It really is out of my control.

I am able to not let her phase me anymore but I still love her and want to be a family again. I just don't see how that will ever happen as she just continues to go on with life.

[Sotto]

"I still love her and want to be a family again. I just don't see how that will ever happen as she just continues to go on with life."

I think this is where DBing is counter intuitive - because we all know that pursuit is likely to 'close the deal' on D. But if she 'continues to go on with life' unimpeded by you - there's more chance that the A may fizzle out, and your M may start to look more attractive and so on. Who knows - but MWD is clear on what not to do at least.

Best of luck with things Errod - you've got this...

[errod]

The rope is cut. I am 100% totally done with my marriage. I confronted W about her meeting OM in hotel rooms, yesterday afternoon. Then that evening she called me up saying that she in having an affair and that they are only friends. She says they had to meet in a hotel room at 2am because he is helping her go through the finances for the D and he is afraid of me.

Then she went out today and bought a new car. We are in the process of a divorce and trying to split up assets and she goes and buys a new car.

I am so done. She is insane at this point. Then D14 texts me a half hour ago because saying how W is yelling at her and crying to her saying she is doing the best she can but the whole world is against her. I don't know what to do at this point. D14 does not want to be near her.

The damage done now can not be repaired.

[HeavyD]

Oh Errod

That is such distressing news. I hear the anger and desperation in your message.

However if she has bought a new car, after the papers were filed, then it is 100% hers. This demonstrates she is not thinking clearly at all.

Try to give yourself some deep breaths, think things over for the next couple of days.

There is nothing done that can't be undone.

Hang in there.

[errod]

I just reread my last post and saw it was not in English. I confronted my W about her affair yesterday afternoon. At that time she admitted everything.

Then she called me that evening and said she did not do anything. She only went to the hotel room with OM because he was afraid of me and she needed him to help her budget her finances for after the divorce. Keep in mind this was at 2 am.

[Wonka]

HAAA...that one's a doozy of a lie if I ever seen one!!! Hotel room to do some "paperwork"??!!! Too funny.