She says she has not contacted him at all, says he tried to call her twice but she did not pick up. Told me to check the phone records and I would see that. I did and found no records of his calls (I won't tell her I checked). Not sure how to take that. He is still her Facebook "friend". Every time she shows me something on Facebook I see his icon on the side as being a "friend". Of course this is a huge trigger for me. Do I ask her to "unfriend" him?
She has changed all her passwords and told me that if I spy on her she will leave. Says she had previous relationships with guys who spied on her and her father was very controlling and she can't stand that.
My guess is she has a second, most likely prepaid, cellphone that she's using to talk to him and text him. Or they simply use Facebook messenger.
It's not "spying" -- it's verifying no-contact with a man she has admitted she had an EA with. You cannot tell her what to do (that is controlling), but you CAN (and should) tell her what YOU are willing to live with in a marriage. "I will not remain in a marriage where my wife is still in contact with her affair partner -- or at least is trying to have the option to be -- and who isn't willing to be transparent with me. I'm doing my best to clean up my own side of the street here with my porn addiction, but I can't stay in a marriage where my wife keeps secrets from me, considering what's already happened with this guy. Looks like we both have some decisions to make."
