Onwards and upwards.

[Mozza]

Barry, you must have been missing me because it looks like you're baiting me to post.

I couldn't help thinking it would have been a perfect day to visit a quaint village we used to go to, and sit by the river eating ice creams. Those were the days my friend we thought they'd never end...sigh.

Could it be that your idealize the past? Those days were also very hard, with the separation and tension and bad sex an more. It's fine to remember the good times, but not if it takes us away from a fair assessment of the M. sandi2 also tells people that they shouldn't focus on how much they loved their WAS because it brings them no good. I know I've stopped because every time I do, I cry. Also, not repeating it helps to take some distance from it.

I'm told W and her BFF are going off for tattoo's tomorrow, it wouldn't surprise me at all if they were matching ones. I know I shouldn't have an opinion or let any of this bother me any more, I don't even know why it does.

I suspect it bothers you for two reasons. First, you idealize what is happening to your W. Second, you haven't created a fun life for yourself. You've seen what I wrote on my thread and on stacey9's. Instead of forcing you to do anything, can you think of what you really like doing and do a little more of that? Once you align your life with what you love, you can't envy anyone else's life.

I wasn't going to send anything for W's Bday but I think that looks like I'm bitter (which lets be fair, I still am).

No, it won't look like you're bitter. It will look like you're moving on which is exactly what you're supposed to do. She will not be pleased with your card, she will just see it, sigh and think: "He really can't let go. Poor guy." If, IF, you manage not to send anything, she MIGHT notice (maybe not) and have the beginning of a doubt that maybe you're not always, always trying to convince her to come back. Then she'll listen to you more.

As I've said before, the thing that hurts the most is that my W shows no emotion whatsoever regarding our sitch - she's almost robotic in her extremly limited communication with me. It's like our lives together have had so little worth to her.

It was the same for me and it's also what hurt me the most. She looked at me with complete indifference. It's one of the reasons I cut off almost all contacts because I don't want to face it again. I can see two reasons for that. The first one is that our WWs have detached months ago. For the, the S was the end of the road, for us it's the beginning. So don't think that it happened overnight. The second reason is that they see our emotions as manipulative. And in your case, they still are because you really try to convince her to come back. You're not detached and you look for words or actions that will bring her back.

When I told her I'd be filing on the 15th April, I said she didn't have very long to stop me from doing it so to think about it carefully. I realise this was temperature checking but at this stage, I don't need to check, it's sub-zero. She's not going to stop me...I know that really but I needed to tell her that just if for my own sake.

Barry, you're not supposed to say such things because it reduces your chances to R. I don't think that's clear to you. You seem to want to R very much, yet you do these things repeatedly. Reaching out to your W like this is needy and women are repulsed by neediness.

I recommend that your read the chapters 1 and 2 of Models, by Mark Manson. These chapters explain, based on research and experience, what attracts women. You really need to understand this deep down. Now you're acting like the desperate nerdy guy with big glasses in high school who keeps bringing gifts to the head cheerleader who told him No seventeen times in seventeen ways. There is no way your W will go for it. Every intervention sets you back further.

I have to feel like I've given her every opportunity to call this off.

You "have to feel" it? Then you can feel it right now because you have done it. She knows perfectly she can come back anytime and that's why she's leaving without fear. If it gets cold out there, if she sees you in a new light, if she realizes you're a catch, she knows you'll drop everything for her. She's free to explore the world safely then! For sure, she won't come back and realize that another woman has realized what a wonderful man you are and she'll be stuck with the leftovers.

I'd like to thank you (all) for your continued support. I still need it, even though my M is most probably a lost cause.

Well, you haven't been helping it with your begging and pleading to your W, but it's not a lost cause. You just can't judge it at this stage. Your sitch looks like any other sitch, it's just more real to you. But believe me, the sitches of Labug, 25yearsmlc, T0324, Train and all other vets who reconciled also looked this bad in the middle. Stop thinking and saying that it's a lost cause.

You're doing a lot of things right, Barry. You seem to be taking good care of your kids. Your ideas are clear about finance and the future. You just need to get your interactions with your WAW under control and you'll be a stellar DBer, saving yourself and leaving options open for the M. Go for it!