Why not write a letter to him, expressing all of your anger and frustration and then burning it? Telling him how you feel and what he's done will not make him wake up and apologize. He's still too much in the tunnel, but you will get an opportunity at some point to tell him how his behavior has affected you. You will know when the time is right and the door is ajar. You will need to be very calm and keep your voice even toned when having this discussion. If you become emotional, he will turn it off in his head and tune you out.
When he's further along, he may seek you out and apologize to you. But keep it mind, that his actions have to match is words. Sometimes they apologize to appease their guilt and want everything to swept under the rug, i.e., hence the "let's be friends" statement comes into play. This isn't going to work. If his apology is genuine, he will do everything in his power to prove to you that he is sorry...but, for now, you can't sit there waiting on this apology. You have to continue moving forward.
Two years is a very short time in the equation when it comes to dealing w/the mlcer. Don't be so hard on yourself. You were married for a while and this man has destroyed everything that you held near and dear. It's understandable that you feel the way that you do. Holidays and special events will open the wound a bit, but I can promise you, as time moves along, the scar will close and you won't feel it quite as badly as you do now.
Bottom line, you are too hard on yourself. Give yourself all the time you need in order to heal.
Take care.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
