Yup, it stands for Rising Above It - I

[lost18]

Hey RAI,

Not sure I have much advice, but I totally get where and why you are at the place between wanting to save your M and wanting out. I go back and forth with that constantly. I want to save my M but I just don't know it will ever happen, and if it does I'm not sure it will look the way I would like it to. A loving, trusting R with 2 people who give to each other and truly enjoy being together. I guess maybe I'm not doing something right because I feel like I'm giving up a big part of myself when I'm supposes to be working on myself. Don't get me wrong, I am trying to work on myself too, but the situation makes me feel like I'm giving up what I want (a loving R) to save the one I have. Hope that makes sense.

I was reading another thread and the DBer was also back and forth in regard to wanting to save their M or give up. Cadet gave the advice that it doesn't matter what side of the fence you're on right now, work on yourself. If the time comes when the WA wants to reconcile, then you take your love box out of the closet, dust it off and decide what you want.

So, I guess along those lines I would say to work on becoming the best person you can be for YOU and your kids. Don't say or do anything to your W that would take you int he opposite direction of R if you may want it someday. I know somebody else could say that better but I'm sure you get the gist.

As far as the BR, the purpose of kicking her out is for you. You're well-being, sanity and standing up for yourself. If you feel it is in your best interest to allow her to stay then let her stay. Still don't have much advice on that, I've been tempted several times to tell my H to move out....the best I have is to do what feels right for you.