Quote: So H thinks I'm doing this or that to him, "why does this always happen to me" thinking when it's so clearly not always about H.
I swear they seem to get into those places where they are thinking that way! Like the A (in my case) "just happened", like I've kept up 10-year friendships just to make him look bad or hurt him, or when I added a workable lock to my basement door, my H said I was trying to keep him out... never mind that I might be concerned for my own safety in a wooded area alone.
And then sometimes all of this seems as bizarre to him as it does to me and his thinking is not like that at all. Seeing him both ways lets me detach from it more, but every now & then I get tangled up in what he is saying.
I totally agree with the victim attitude thing. Our attitude is 90% of how we deal with things I think.
Personally, I think much of it is depression... some of it learned thinking patterns. It took me a long time to see this and so I have spent time trying to figure out why he'd believe X or Y. Don't fall in that trap.
Quote: Is THIS something that can be changed? It would make a world of difference in my H's life, as well as others, if they could just get out of that mindset.
YES! It is most definitely something that can change-- look, you say you did it yourself! But not by us. They need to change it themselves, and it's a process, and they have to think it's worth doing... and that they CAN do it.
My H can do anything he puts his mind to... I have seen it with my own eyes. But unfortunately, he doesn't believe that right now.
