Well I moved her and the kids out this weekend and cleaned up the old house for its sale today. I have never been so nervous and excited on one thing. One chapter finally closing.
The week was a long one. Mr.Bond was right. I have never seen some one change so fast in my life. From totally wanting to work on everything and telling the kids she was moving in with us. To the total opposite. We did spend Easter together. It was in the best interest of the kids. She has no home for her or the kids. And for the time being she is living with her mom in a small two bed room place. The kids are living with me and she gets visit time with them on her days. All week long I had to listen to the kids ask question after question to her and no answers. Once the oldest was packing his stuff and she told him that it all had to go to storage. He looked at her and told her nope it's all going to dads. I'm not moving it all over again and again. She looked at me and just said "your loving this aren't you". As the week went along more and more spew came at me. Especially when the daughter started sayin OM name was a swear word and couldn't say it anymore. Boy the wife didn't like that one bit. It all was very hard!!!
On the bright side I did get to see all of her family on one day when they came to help. That was fantastic! Although they were all shocked to hear that she wasn't moving into my place(that's what she had last told all them).
She just can't give up OM. That's fine it's her life.
So today house sells. And one chapter closes.
Looking to see where tommorow brings us!
Thanks 3kids
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
When she starts snapping back at you, that's when you need to strengthen your boundaries again and tell her that you WILL NOT be spoken to and treated in that manner.
At this critical time, don't let your defenses down and play the nice guy.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
And expect the unexpected. Stay on your picnic blanket and ignore all of her dramatic flailing around from the castle window.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
I'm not the best on helping on this stuff. So I hope I answered your question. Good luck.
Probably not the best day to respond back to this post that you wrote for me, but thank you it actually helped me a lot over the last week. I've realized that I'm happy with who I am and unhappy with who W has become. It makes some of the anti-detachment feelings reside a little.
__________________
Also, reading through the last couple posts. Stay strong. The reality will probably really hit her and her responses will probably be all over the place.
Last edited by MCS; 04/07/1503:54 AM.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
House sale went great. Ended up getting 9gs together. Never seen anyone want her half so fast. I tried talking to her about seeing an accountant for taxes and maybe capital gains. Don't even know how their wording it yet short sale or not. So maybe there could be some dept there. But no she has to have it now. Says that she owes all the bills on the old house (which I've seen maybe a grand worth) and wants to find her own place with it (because her mom won't let her talk to OM either). The addict is really fling all over the place. I told her that's fine but we will file different next year. I'm not taking the loss on all this.
Funny in my mind I just keep telling myself "she is sick". But when does it stop?
Thanks MrBond and PM, I know your both right. The picnic analogy is my favorite! But this last week sure brought out all the parts about her that I don't like. Why is it so critical? It seems like the exact same thing that was happening at the very beginning of this all. Nothing's changed. Except the OM is maybe on barowed time.
Thanks 3kids
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
MCS I'm happy that I actually helped. If you have ever read the picinic analogy. Find it and read it every day! It's helped me more than you can think with detachment.
Like right now, Im just mind boggled to what is happening with my WAS. I know what is going to happen before she does. She is going to take this money and run. Pay her bills, find a place for her and the kids. OM is going to come back leatch off her more. Kids are going to act different to him. Because kids aren't stupid and they know why mommy can't move back with daddy. Family and friends will disown her because she went back to him. After she proclaimed to every one that she is done with him and was thinking about our marriage again and how much he controlled her and all the pain she is in. She was just reacting to the situation. Yes I'm sure a part of her wants us to work but she can't give up the addiction and she is unsure about all my changes(if they are big enough). So back on my picinic blanket.
But the only thing I'm struggling with is how I act right now. I have been flirting and stuff. Should I stop all that and go back to a couple of months ago where I didn't even acknoledg her except to say hi?
Struggling!
3kids
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
Just exchanged the money split. Thought I could control my emotions but not all the way. Found out her plans. She's going against her whole family and friends. Her and OM are getting a house together. Let some anger out but probably shouldn't have. Told her that I was sorry for her because of all the pain he has caused her and this is the direction she is choosing. Also that I won't be there for her anymore. Talked a little bit about the divorce. How it all can be handled. She told me that he would be starting to go to the oldest games and such. I asked her to hold off on that out of resepect for me until the divorce is final. They are getting a house a couple of blocks away from me. I told her not so much nice things about OM that I shouldn't have(made me look weak). Just a terrible convo. I'm not happy right now!
Looks like it's all out of my hands. Throwing in the towel!
Peace out 3kids
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
It's tough, but take a step back and look where you are. You've been the example for me of how to act in my sitch as I struggle with preventing myself of 'fixing' her sitch. It's so tough when everyone that cares for the person sees what the writing on the wall is, but WW chooses to take their own path. You've been making so much progress, don't beat yourself up if the exchange was not how you wanted to act.
The news stinks, but this is how "she" is trying to solve her issues/problems. It's tough seeing the continual cheese-less tunnels that they are going down and not realizing where they need to begin looking (within themselves)
Take a few days for 3kids. You deserve it.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
