...and another WAS

[Pyrite]

this doing everything "hard" was also true of virtuous aspects in the R. I suppose like in other respects, I am a mixture of my mother and father emotionally as well. that was my upbringing i guess, although my father was not there very much at all. maybe this intensified it. the rare occasions i did interact with him was always a performance reward/punishment scenario. from a ridiculously young age. i remember 4. My mum has told me stories of when i was 2. his behaviour fits, and i can see where it comes from, have been able to for a long time. i dont get along with him very well. i have always cringed at things i can feel myself doing that are of this same ilk. Now it has destroyed my M. All thats left for me to do realistically is NOT make the same mistake with my girls. BUT, thank god, i can honestly say I have NEVER pushed them. My dad has even pushed me about this, "why congratulate them on .....". they didn't do it right. i guess i use my Mum's grace. I actually suspect now that this is what i did in the R earlier. When things started going "bad", i pulled up this other behaviour/mechanism, although - it was always there to a degree.