It's a nightmare. Wake me up.

[25yearsmlc]

koalada

it's important to CHOOSE AN approach to your situation and really give it a chance

before you mix it with other approaches that are really different. Mixing them up isn't fair to either approach.

So if you want to try this Div Busting approach, give it a real shot. Make sense?

You are trying to understand all her reasons, but you probably won't. I wasted a year trying to get into my husband's head and it was a year I'll never get back.

What you NEED to understand is that I don't know any mothers in long marriages who have affairs AND want to leave their families, who had strong marriages meeting their needs.

HER Marriage to you was not meeting her needs and the fact that it seems as if it was meeting your needs is not relevant. No offense, okay? You need to grasp this concept.

You seem to want to blame her OR yourself and then think that fixes something.

It doesn't fix anything. It's one thing to learn from the past, but it's another to stay stuck in the rear view mirror, looking backwards & pointing fingers.

In my marriage vows, the most useful words were probably "from this day forward."

So I (eventually) chose to stop asking why, and began to work on MYSELF to become a woman only a fool would leave. I stopped looking behind us and began to take it "From this day forward" which meant letting go of h's errors and NOT holding it over his head or throwing it in his face...

can you do that?

There is a lot that went into that^^ change in me,l and I can be more specific later. But does this clarify anything for you?

Work on becoming the best Koalada YOU Can become and turn the marriage over to God (or the universe or whatever your belief system is) for now

and figure out how to counter the negative images your wife has of you - with new improved positives, that are authentic change in you that YOU want to make...regardless of what she does.

That way, no matter what, you will be a better, happier, more loving and more fulfilled man.

Make sense?