Masterpiece - a little more progress...

[Jer2911]

Jer

Looks like your work is starting to pay off ... just reading this you are sounding confident in the face of the storm which I think is key. I had to smile with the 'caught ya lookin' sitch .... just love that OW can text and skype all she wants ... those little moments can not be duplicated.

Fingers crossed for the job prospects ... happy to see you had a good Easter ... sometimes we just need to get through a holiday that could be stressful with no hitches just to know we can.

Thanks for the crossed fingers on the job! Still waiting to hear from them, but I feel really positive that something good is just over the horizon for me...

And so true about those moments -- OW's reach right now is limited... I'm here all the time (which can be a good and a bad thing -- obviously!), which allows for more of those kinds of moments. I really do think seeing me in the dress caught her by surprise in a good way. And others commented on how I looked as well -- including her sister who said to me as she hugged me goodbye (in front of my W) "You look REALLY great by the way!" -- and I heard from her mom today that a good family friend told her later in the day on Easter Sunday (via a phone call) that she saw me with everyone at church and thought I looked so beautiful (and W's mom thought the same thing). Did it make her wake up and fall back in love instantly? -- nope... But 1) that's not why I wore it (wore it for myself as one of my personal changes for me) and 2) I do have faith that it will be one of the many moments that will be processed later on down through the tunnel.

I've been reflecting on this journey a bit today and I realized something... As the LBS -- and an LBS who found this site -- I know so much more about my spouse that OW can ever know (just from being in her physical presence on a daily basis for 10 years) and I know that she is definitely going through a MLC... OW doesn't really understand that W is in a major MLC and is too young to really understand what that is and what it means in terms of major life change anyway. And -- because I did find this site early enough to understand that I have to go through my own process/journey of growth and maturity, I am going on that journey for myself... As someone else said on an earlier post on this thread -- I am probably already lightyears ahead of my W in terms of growth and maturity -- which also means that I am lightyears ahead of OW as well, and I am VERY well aware of the need to be on this journey... something OW will not understand for probably another 20 years... I'm rambling right now, but the point I am trying to make is that if anyone is capable right now of being a rock and a lighthouse, it's definitely me and not OW -- she has absolutely no clue what she is really dealing with in terms of being involved with my W right now at this point in my W's life.

But W still has a way to go before she's ready to look within... So for now I am working hard to be the rock and lighthouse for myself and my kids.

But speaking of W -- the hits just keep coming... Can't go into details, but she had a terrible day at work with something brewing that could result in her losing her job. From a spiritual perspective I just see this as one more message from God... I can see all of this so clearly -- He is definitely trying to get her to wake up by delivering one consequence after another for her behavior and choices... In terms of MLC -- what is happening is very clearly a result of her poor choices and poor actions due to her inability to handle the stress and depression.

Really hoping that I get that job offer this week -- I might soon become the primary breadwinner in the house very soon if things go the direction they appear to be going with W's employment sitch. And that would certainly turn some tables in this household...