I guess when I think of depression I think of someone who is sad all the time, doesn't want to do anything, just wants to lay around. I'm looking for visual things.
I won't go into the details, but I had to drop a bombshell of my own on H yesterday, something that affects both of us and I'm not sure how it's going to affect H. It will have the most affect on me, but it's a decision that we both agreed on and I'll be praying twice as hard now, for both of us.
I know H's drinking has been getting worse. We took S's out to eat last night and H had two beers, actually he's had a drink every night this week. Some nights more than others. It's either a few or till he's full!!! Korbel and Cokes don't fill him up and he can drink A LOT of those. H took a shower before we left, but didn't shave.
H is being torn apart and has been for months. He is asking me to figure this out and is telling both Me and OW to "get together and figure it out for him" he's in pain.
Quote: That is the reason for the desparate call to you last night. He is screaming for someone to show him the way.
I wonder if he makes desparate calls to OW? What happens when he does find his way? How can he find his way when he keeps drinking! The drinking could go on forever couldn't it? He's been in this stage for months.
He has stomach pains all the time, he spends a lot of time in the bathroom after he eats (sorry everybody). He tells me the pain lasts up to three hours after he eats. He might have an ulcer, but then again it might be from the stress in his life which is an ulcer I guess.
Can I honestly say that inside, I'm calm. There's no anxiety, no fear and I sometimes think something is WRONG with me that I SHOULD be freaking out, but I'm not.
Oh when I talk to him and when he says some of the things he says, my insides tense up and there is sometimes this "electrical feeling inside-fear. BUT it doesn't last long and I don't feed into the feeling.
Deep inside I know I will be okay no matter what happens. At some point I hope my life/son's life settles down enough so that we can establish more routine, etc. Son can feel more secure, I can feel a little more secure with our life and where it's headed. Yeah right..lol..it sunny today!!!
