Letting go Qs

[Kramer]

I haven't written an email recently, but want to share what I sent her in early February. I don't think there's anything else to add at this point, and will remain dark. She will get my lawyer's letter in next few days, so I'm sure that will be the end.



XXXX,

Thank you for meeting with me last night. I was hoping for some answers and closure, and I think it was partially successful. I just didn't want there to be any doubt in your mind regarding my feelings and desire to make things work. I have had the opportunity to do some serious soul searching and know in my heart that I love you and could honestly forgive you for your affair. However, I also know that my feelings and desires are only 1 side of a 2 sided coin. In order for any relationship to work, both people have to be willing to put in the hard work required to fix it. After our talk last night, I realize that you are not at that point. As painful as it is, I must accept that once and for all.

I had hoped that you would have an epiphany and stop this runaway train, but it looks like a final train wreck is in our future. That saddens me more than you can realize. We have so much history between us and have been through so much together. We were so close to the end of our drama, and had a feasible plan moving forward. How sad that we didn't really even try to save us.

I have finally realized that the only thing I can control is myself. That has been a hard pill to swallow, but it has allowed me to look within and try to become a better person.

I will not demean you or put down your feelings. What you are feeling is real to you and I respect that. Like I have said numerous times, I hope you know him as well as you think you do. Even though you have integrated yourself into his life, he has not allowed you to integrate your family into his. The Tanya I knew would not have stood for that. She would have said "take me AND my family, we are a package deal"! For somebody supposedly so awesome, that seems quite selfish and controlling of him. I'm not being mean, but you should think long and hard about how he will react to the stress and drama with your family. I accepted that drama and stayed by choice. That should say something about character, both his and mine.

I just want you to be sure of your actions. If there is any doubt in your mind, I implore you to stop this process. Nothing is irreversible yet. Once this path is set, I will continue along that path. Divorce is final. It should not be done unless there are truly irreconcilable differences. Once divorced, you have the right to be with whomever you want, and so do I. Remember that.
By divorcing me, you are saying that you do not respect me or care about me enough to try and make it work. You can sugarcoat it all you like, but that's the gist of it.

You talk about remaining friends after divorce. I'm sorry, but I just can't see that at this stage. I want you 100% as my wife, and cannot be your friend while you are in a relationship with someone else. I will never hate you or be purposefully hurtful toward you, but cannot be your friend either. That's not to say that I don't love you, because I do. But I also have to love myself and not allow me to be disrespected. If/when we divorce, I will be completely out of your life. Not by choice, but by necessity.

XXXX, your husband, who loves you unconditionally.


Sent from my iPad