I was thinking back to our convo last night and H did say that "when he's with us he's happy, but feels he might be missing something at OW's and when he's with us feels he's missing something with OW.
I guess the bottom line here is that H is really struggling right now trying to find an answer to what is really wrong with his life.
I hope and pray he realizes it's internal and that external sources are not the key to H's happiness
Some conversation you had last night. But it offered some more insight as well.
You handled it like a pro in my book. You showed support and asked simple thought-provoking questions as well.
How would your H react if you were to find a C and give him the name. Let him know that you want him to be able to sort things out and maybe talking to someone would help. Let him know that you are willing to go with him, but he may want to go alone at first.
I can't remember if you two have had any counseling or not - sorry.
I am glad he came home last night, you are doing something right - you are supportive and nonjudgemental (at least out loud - LOL!)
My H will be here in a little while so I am not sure if I will be able to chat or not later. I will sign on if I get a chance though.
You are great!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Totite is right; you DID handle things like a pro! You listened, you were understanding, and you were a friend to H....AND...he came home!
I feel for your H; he sounds so unhappy.
Quote: S’s life hasn’t been that stable and this is what S needs the most. Stability, a father who is going to be there every night, not drinking and then coming home and disrupting S’s bedtime and S’s life.
I will pray that your H realizes this as well and gets help...for Son, for you, for himself.
The things that you have written about what he has said. The things that you have been writing about what he is doing. Look at them from a different set of eyes. Not as his wife, but as a person who is looking from the outside in.
Look at the comments that he is making to you. He is falling and twirling around and doesn't know how to stop it. He is in a tug of war right now and satan is trying to pull him back to the OW and the Lord is pushing him towards you and your son. He is in the fight of his life right now and the best thing that you can do for him is to be praying and fasting for that man.
Satan is pulling him hard because he wants to destroy this man. This man is in a spiritual battle for his soul and you need to fight for him with your prayers. He is trying to pull away from the OW and satan keeps playing things in his head. The man said that he wanted to shoot himself to make the pain go away.
Read that depression stage. This man is in agony and doesn't know how to make it end. He doesn't know what to do. He knows the right thing to do and satan is also placing desires in his heart, that his spirit knows are wrong. That is the reason for the heavy drinking. That is the reason for the desparate call to you last night. He is screaming for someone to show him the way.
You can not make the choice for him, but you can share the Lord with him. Don't think about how this is affecting you emotionally right now. I know that is very difficult to do because I have to do that myself quite regularly. It is very difficult to die to self, but your husband is in a bad part right now and needs your strength and prayers.
The picture is becoming clearer and clearer the more he speaks to you and the more things that you put out there that he is saying. Yes, how he is treating you is wrong, but he is like a teenager who can't find himself. I have seen so many people when I was in high school going through this and fighting a demon inside of them that was constantly at them.
He has opened himself up to someone else and allowed her to come in and become a part of him. Now he is trying to cut her out of himself and that is very difficult to do. Yes, you have every right to be upset with him because of how complicated he has made this. Yes, he is reaping what he has sown and he must, but you have the answer that he is looking for and somehow you have to get the message across to him.
Pray for him like you have never prayed for him before.
I guess when I think of depression I think of someone who is sad all the time, doesn't want to do anything, just wants to lay around. I'm looking for visual things.
I won't go into the details, but I had to drop a bombshell of my own on H yesterday, something that affects both of us and I'm not sure how it's going to affect H. It will have the most affect on me, but it's a decision that we both agreed on and I'll be praying twice as hard now, for both of us.
I know H's drinking has been getting worse. We took S's out to eat last night and H had two beers, actually he's had a drink every night this week. Some nights more than others. It's either a few or till he's full!!! Korbel and Cokes don't fill him up and he can drink A LOT of those. H took a shower before we left, but didn't shave.
H is being torn apart and has been for months. He is asking me to figure this out and is telling both Me and OW to "get together and figure it out for him" he's in pain.
Quote: That is the reason for the desparate call to you last night. He is screaming for someone to show him the way.
I wonder if he makes desparate calls to OW? What happens when he does find his way? How can he find his way when he keeps drinking! The drinking could go on forever couldn't it? He's been in this stage for months.
He has stomach pains all the time, he spends a lot of time in the bathroom after he eats (sorry everybody). He tells me the pain lasts up to three hours after he eats. He might have an ulcer, but then again it might be from the stress in his life which is an ulcer I guess.
Can I honestly say that inside, I'm calm. There's no anxiety, no fear and I sometimes think something is WRONG with me that I SHOULD be freaking out, but I'm not.
Oh when I talk to him and when he says some of the things he says, my insides tense up and there is sometimes this "electrical feeling inside-fear. BUT it doesn't last long and I don't feed into the feeling.
Deep inside I know I will be okay no matter what happens. At some point I hope my life/son's life settles down enough so that we can establish more routine, etc. Son can feel more secure, I can feel a little more secure with our life and where it's headed. Yeah right..lol..it sunny today!!!
Geesh, I missed the whole thing! Sorry I wasn't there for you!
I agree with Laurie; your H is in depression, and I also am afraid for his health! The stomach problems could be anything and he needs to see a doctor!
The biggest positive I saw here was your H coming home. His phone call to you was proof that he is crying out for help! Thank the Lord he chose to call you! This means he feels a great deal for you! It also means you came through with flying colors for him, otherwise he would of went to OW!
I wish I could help more, your H needs to be saved and your patience is OUTSTANDING! You deserve your hearts desire!
Oh Cathy, I wish I could hug you! You are one strong lady!
Pray! And pray more! Your H needs all the help he can get!
I feel for your H - I am sure that at the very least he has an ulcer and/or a spastic colon. I've had both and they are soooo painful. He really needs to see a physician as if it gets too bad, he will end up hospitalized or worse. And his own body is warning him by functioning unusually.
I am praying for you and whatever bomb you had to drop on your H yesterday. I hope you are okay with your decision.
I really feel like the two of you are at the brink of a new R. If your H can take the step needed to get help with his drinking and his health, and you can continue to be his supporter, then things will work out for you.
I am going to be on-line most of the day, so you can find me on Yahoo if you'd like. I am sorry I didn't get on here last night. My H came over, cooked dinner and then was very cuddly and frisky the rest of the night. I had to go with the flow around here....
I imagine today will be tough for your H. Does he have a funeral to attend for his co-worker? I am sure that his workplace must be a tough place to be around these days. Hopefully he will continue to reach out to you.
Have a great day!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
I was home all day yesterday, called H's doctor and made an appt. for H to see him Monday. My sister suggested I call the doc's office/nurse and let them know exactly how much my H is drinking these days. I'm sure my H isn't telling the doc the truth and this info might make the doctor realize that H isn't just backed up.
Tried calling H around 5ish since he wasn't home from work yet. Friday night and his phone is off so left him a message to see if he was going to be home sooner, if not S and I were headed over to my parents to watch basketball.
We ended up staying home as my S didn't nap and the the longer I didn't hear from H the more I was ASSuming he was drinking, wondering if he'd be home, if he'd call, what would happend. About 9ish I'm dozing on the couch S is trying, finally to fall asleep on the floor.
The phone's ringing, it's H. Asked him where he was? Said he had been drinking. I asked if he was headed home. H said depends how many more stops I make. We talked about his evening, H didn't sound that bad. H said a lot of the crew from his jobsite stopped for awhile after work and then some of the guys had to go back and finish up their job. H said he was headed home and he'd see me shortly. H got home we talked a little more, H wasn't that drunk or didn't sound or look that bad. Went to bed and , afterwards H pulled me close and we both feel asleep. H in an instant. As long as H has at night, he'll never need sleeping pills.
So we wake up, S made his way into our bed early morning. So we slept in, S messed around in bed for awhile then went out into the living room. H starts playing again, we are in the process of and S comes back in to show us a puzzle he finished by himself so that ended that little trist.
My sister and her two kids, me and S, went shopping this morning. What an experience, I tell you!!! Three kids, all running, touching eveything...my Sis kept the kids distracted while I shopped a little. So it was a good morning. S is sleeping, H is out and about.
, afterwards H pulled me close and we both feel asleep. H in an instant. As long as H has 