Coming Home

[mleigh4]

I am off work this week so I actually have time to post! I just want to share my weekend and throw some thoughts around.

Yesterday morning H texted me at 8:45 a pic of S, letting me know the Easter Bunny came to his place after all! S wasn't expecting that and was surprised. My first thought was that bum, he stole my egg hunt excitement that I love with S. Ok, that's the old me thinking. Immediately, I changed my thought to how sweet and considerate that was for H to do for S. I really see him working on his R with S, and I sense with S that it is working. I can see and feel them getting closer and it makes me really happy.

So, Job, do you think there is any chance H is starting the reconnect process? He hasn't shown any signs or said anything to make me think he is looking at himself yet, but I see him really working to get closer with S.

So H and S came here around noon. I asked H if he wanted some coffee, so while he was getting filtered water from the fridge, he commented that it seems like the filter is clogged. Next thing I know, the fridge is pulled out and he is working on it. Said the hose was clogged up.

Now, yes, it's very nice that he even cares and wants to fix this, but at the same time, his dad was on the way and I had food to get cooking. So I managed to do it around them working on the water filter, but it reminded me of his ADHD and how much it would drive me crazy! Oh, and he never did have coffee

So we had a great dinner. H and I also had a couple of good conversations throughout the day. He commented on my idea for my rock garden and pointed out a few other things to have the landscaper fix in the yard....

He asked if he could use the joint card for his work charges, so we could rack up points. We use and pay off the card each month for points to buy stuff for the house and for travel. I know, I can hear you guys saying be careful. He has continued to show responsibility with all joint money so it doesn't worry me.....

At one point, I thanked him for handing over money each month so that S and I can live in our house. I told him we love our home and are really happy to be here. He said of course! And that it's the way it should be. ....

I mentioned to him that S and I were sad that we never went on a cruise like normal last year. And that we want to during his summer break. I told H that I don't feel comfortable flying across the states and taking S away from him for a week on our own to do the Carribean, but that I was thinking one of the mini west coast ones that are only for a few days. H asked, why don't you do Alaska? I said, but that would take S away for a week, wouldn't that be hard for you? And he said ya, that's right. So I said, unless you want to go? Then of course we would love Alaska! H looked at me and said, ya, maybe I could. He said to get some info together and we can talk about it.....

I told H that if he likes, S and I would take him out to dinner sometime for his birthday. He said yes, he would like that, then started naming places he would like to go. When he left, he mentioned he was trying to get Friday off so he could do something with us......

So what do you think is going on with him? I feel like he is wanting to all spend more time together, but it is all family based.

As for me, I still have my guard up. I don't know if this is all temp checking or just his working on his R with S, I really don't even know if it has anything to do with me or us. With his birthday this weekend, it made some thoughts come to mind in regards to if there was OW. If there was, she didn't get much time with him. And he chose to spend his birthday as a family day, all his idea. Then I start to wonder, what if I don't make him happy? What if there is someone out there that would be a better fit for him? Then I think, wait, who cares about him! What about me? What if? This whole experience sure makes you think about the realities of your marriage and relationship. One thing I have learned to do when I think about H, his thoughts, his feelings and his happiness, is to change it to my own thoughts, feelings and happiness. I know without a doubt that I am not ready for any kind of relationship right now. It's a good feeling, a guilt free feeling of knowing this time is for ME.

So, let me know what you think about H and his actions. . Nothing is changing for me, I have only the desire to keep busy and keep working through my own issues and emotions. Home projects have definitely become my therapy. I have to say, I feel like I have come out of some kind of fog myself and am realizing how I did not take care of my home, and want to do nothing other than put in the time and effort to fix things and brighten things up. Do you think this has some kind of tie to my marriage? I realize the exact same situation with my marriage, yet I am not able to do much to fix that right now, so I am putting it all into my home? Wow, that's deep stuff, right? Well, I guess it is a healthy way to work through my own chit. At least it all increases the value of my home, in more ways than one