Getting back to me

[mustardseed]

Spoke to OW. The strangest conversation ever. I probably opened up too much but it is clear that he is as honest with her about thjbgs as he is with me. That makes me both satisfied and upset because clearly their relationship was so much more than I ever knew. I feel like such a fool and I think she was a little surprised to find out we were sexually involved with each other up until a few months ago. The nature of their relationship is still unclear but the fact that she was trying to convince me to move on and I said that I have but I will not leave the home until it makes sense for me and the kids and if he wants out so bad he would have left. She keeps defending him staying and acting like I am not accepting the fact that my marriage is over. So him staying is protecting himself legally but me staying is being unable to let go? I said that I was willing to wait out his midlife crisis and that I allowed myself to be pulled back in by him too many times but the infedelity is something I can't over look. She niether denied or admitted but I am pretty sure this is a romantic relationship now. She seemed a little shaken about our physical relationship. I didn't go into details but it is clear that she thinks of him as hers at this point and was surprised he was not being honest with her. I made it clear that I need to be included in plans and details regarding my kids and that they need to keep their relationship separate from them at least until our divorce is final. it is so odd that she thinks it is my responsibility to end the marriage. Is he dragging his heels too much for her taste.

Anyway my anxiety has been beyond anything I ever experienced. Even before the phone call. I went to a med station and my blood pressure was so high they sent me to the ER. I was given Xanax and I have some therapists that I am calling. When I was talkkng to the social worker he was surprised about how twisted my life is right now. i hope that the therapist can help me untangle this mess and help me identify where the boundaries are and what I need to just let go of.