It's a nightmare. Wake me up.

[Sotto]

"I am convinced, that the A is her main reason for breaking up. It was the wrong man at the wrong moment, meeting her needs for affection and romance"

Hi Koalada

I think in terms of responsibility, it's important to take a balanced view. Your W's decision to cheat is hers alone. There were more constructive options she could have taken, but she chose to take the destructive step of having an A. That is on her.

However, as you say above, she had unmet needs for affection and romance. And I think this is what you can perhaps reflect on. What were the unmet needs, and what was your part in that. Because your W became vulnerable to an A as a result. And as is often the case with A's, he could pretty much have been anyone. He just happened to be around at a point she was feeling low.

So, I think it is best to be clear about what is 'yours' and 'hers' in responsibility terms. And you can then think about your own areas, and how you may want to change or improve.