Alpha One, Alpha All #

[alpha99]

I've had a funny day today. After text exchange this morning with W, I went out in car with sister for a nice walk nearby, watched some sport on TV this afternoon, and went out for an hour long late afternoon walk by myself. The Bank Holiday here today meant no work for me. I will restart that on Wednesday now.

Living with my parents is getting me down. It's like being in a retirement home. They mean well but are very little help besides making endless cups of tea. I am grateful I can stay here for free but I do not like it. I can't afford to do anything about it at the moment.

I'm going to contact water and energy suppliers tomorrow to get them cut off back at home. That will save money. W has not paid a penny towards her share of bills towards OUR house since she left. I've mentioned it on a few occasions and she has made nice sounding noises but ultimately has done nothing to pay me. That's something on the horizon that's going to rock the boat a bit.

The day's been funny in that when I get quiet moments I think of W. I am practicing self control a great deal better these days though. I do have pangs of missing W intensely and wanting to reach out to say I love her etc. Of course I'm not going to do that. That would be crazy at this point. The hardest part today has been out on my walks and seeing families enjoying the sunshine together. At those moments I do wonder what W must think should she be in the same situation. Does a WAW miss those moments or are they so wrapped up in themselves that they don't give it a thought? The probable answer to that just seems so, so crazy to me.

I have the kids all day tomorrow. I have lots of things planned with them. We are going to spend the night at my sister's house. Other relatives staying over too. We are going to have a drink or two and a bit of a party. It should be fun and a good distraction from everything.

So, gym tomorrow morning, pick kids up, spend day with them, go to sister's later on and stay over. Wed: work and then Italian meet up. Thurs: Have kids all day and then maybe pub quiz in evening. Fri: Work with nothing planned just yet. Sat: Kids again. Throw in gym here and there when I can along with the joke writing hobby I'm trying to develop and some Italian practice.

I need to stay busy, busy, busy to keep my mind off W. I still think about her too much. I need to keep busy in order to detach. I need to make new friends. Hopefully the meetup scene will help with that.