I'm a little down today. After reviewing division of assets yesterday, picking up the service papers, and dropping off about a 4 inch stack of papers to my lawyer that is supposed to represent the culmination of our marriage. Well it just sucked.
I think I blew my cool a little yesterday afternoon. After he left I forgot about an asset that wasn't included. A laptop computer that is about a year old and cost about $3000 originally. I knew being a year old it wasn't worth that much so I offered to split $1500 for a $750 credit on both sides. He lost it a bit and started in on the name calling. I didn't respond very nicely at all. I'm sick of being belittled but I probably should have handled it better.
Anyway, this morning he called to complain because I changed the password on one of the assets we had just agreed would be mine. The stock account with TD Ameritrade. He had been doing a lot of trading lately and since this is also where he blew $16,500 last year without my knowledge I wanted to make sure it was locked tight as a drum until the fat lady sings or otherwise at the very least.
Weird he was mad about this but somehow the conversation morphed into a deeper discussion. And he promised he would stop putting me down. It wasn't getting him anywhere. All I could think is I'll believe it when I see it and if you had done that while we were still living together then maybe we wouldn't be here right now. But I just kept that to myself. I told him he signed an agreement stating he would be amicable and friendly. That we would work together because we didn't want our kids to continually see us fight even after the divorce.
And then the kicker... Somehow the conversation turned to sex. He didn't come out and say it but I'm pretty sure he implied that sex was the best part of our relationship and was hoping that maybe we could continue that part.
Should I allow this? I know sex means different things for men and women but if I shutdown sex in the midst of divorce proceedings then basically it would be counterproductive to changing his mind in this matter.
I teased and was playful. A little sexting. But I have to make a decision soon on whether this is something I should consider. I'm pretty sure if I don't though that I can flush the relationship down the toilet. He won't be able to get rid of me fast enough in order to find some satisfaction or he might find it before we are even over.
Food for thought. In the meantime, I'm working on me. More fun for me and dropping my weight. Taking care of house and home... Today though is a hard one. I just am having a hard time thinking of anything positive.
