Just back from Easter weekend with the family. It as a nice weekend but my head was elsewhere a lot of the time. Finally able to post my replies to your earlier comments. Hope everyone had a great Easter weekend (or regular old weekend if Easter isn’t your thing).
… … … Calibri: I've not read NMMNG but I get the premise of the book based on what I read here. Yes, I think he probably is a Nice Guy. Am I going to have to make the decision? Maybe. No rush just yet though as we can’t file for another month or so. I do need to make the decision to re-commit to moving forward with my life. Thanks for sharing your story re sending letters. I do wonder how things would have played out had I taken this approach from the beginning and not allowed us to go so long in between contact….
Jim: once again you came to the rescue with your words. Even in my darkest hour you made me laugh with your remark about the UK. It's a great quality, Jim. Thanks for sharing it with me and others on the forum.
Toots: actually I still don't get the impression that there was an OW at BD (could be wrong of course). My take on the stare is that he was annoyed that I keep asking if there was an OW at BD (to be clear, this is only the second time - the first was at BD). If there was no OW I can see how the suggestion would be offensive. On the dating front, he didn't sound super enthusiastic about things, though he may just be keeping it on the down low since he was talking to me.
Vanilla: yes, I think H is re-writing some of our history though he did acknowledge that we had some good times and also makes a lot of sense about how unhappy we were. He often exclaims - gee, we saw our R completely differently...like I thought everything was all peachy, while he saw it as less so. In truth, like many here I was probably a WAW who never walked because I loved my H, acknowledged that no R would be perfect and resigned myself to carrying on. For a lot of the time I felt like I was walking on eggshells whilst wading through a pool of sludge. But I never would have described myself as globally unhappy in my M, just unhappy about specific areas that I felt we needed to work on. Unfortunately I was too focussed on how H was contributing to these problem areas (e.g. by withdrawing and avoiding the issues) rather than seeing my own role in the dynamic (e.g. controlling, bringing home work stress, not wearing my giraffe ears…) Lot’s of regrets rolling around at the moment.
Maybell: Gaslighting? Interesting thought. I'm not sure if H was deliberately trying to misrepresent things or if he himself is confused. If it was deliberate then it was wasted on me - I'm wasn't left questioning my version of events. But something to keep an eye on if I interact with him again.
Zelda: If I met this cloudy person on a date would I be impressed? I find that a hard question to answer. He’s clearly hurt by the course of events and I have a lot of compassion for that. I think he would come across differently if we were dating.
Toots, Gg: My sisters in prolonged periods of NC. Sigh. The only other LBW I've come across who seems to have faced a similar scenario is Labug. Are there others that you know of?
Zeus/Zues: Thanks for stopping by. Not sure that you became negative so much as less hopeful in your sitch...and that happened at a time when I was trying to stay hopeful in mine. But I'm glad to see you back on the boards.
Wonka: I get the impression you lurk a bit here as you pop up every now and then when I don’t expect it. Vets seem to come and go on my thread (MrBond, Labug) but they never seem to get very involved. I’ve always wondered why that is… Do things just seem...hopeless?
... ... ... And a few more thoughts now that I've had more time to reflect on our meetup: - H sounded pretty resolute that he doesn't want a romantic relationship with me. I know most of you have been here before and you've managed to keep on keeping on. This was a first for me. At BD he "didn't know what the outcome would be.” - seems like H might not have actually researched D yet as he referred to June as the date we can file when actually you can file something like 28 days before the 12 month anniversary after separation - he sounded like he may have been tearful when I called him back (as was I). But I suppose that's not surprising - surely most WAS grieve the R even if it was their decision to leave? - I am not happy with the way I conducted myself the other night. I managed to STFU to a point but then the reptile brain kicked in when I felt H slipping away. I became flooded and said things I shouldn't have (which resulted in him feeling like I was blaming him and no doubt triggered negative emotions in him). I really need to address this. I need to get back into my yoga and meditation practice and be more self-aware. I slipped when I went to Europe. - I think my optimistic nature is interfering with my ability to accept the situation for what it is. I've spent the last few days trying to remind myself of H's words (he doesn't want a romantic relationship with me) whenever feelings of hope return
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
