Confused and mix messages. Part 3

[Cherry]

It is hard having our baby but then its nice at the same time,, like I wouldn't want it any other way. I just wish we were both together raising baby that's all. We spent the evening watching a movie together. And then we were sat texting each other for hours in bed, talking about our past and having a laugh and then it got very sexual about our past. He has seemed a little happier today. Less confrontational, looking at old photos and stuff.
I'm not gonna overthink. It all means all or nothing these days with him I know.

[BW911]

Thanks all. It's so difficult I guess holidays and anniversaries are going to be tough for us all . Just another day I guess. But it was seeing families that got to me too. Makes you really miss your other half.

He is going to regret missing these moments with baby if nothing else. But I don't tell him that. I just hope he realises before too long

Oh yea he'll regret it. He's clearly not mature enough to realize it now, but I sure do hope he has a light bulb moment and wakes up. For his sake as well as yours.

[Cherry]

And thanks heart. I think it's there way of comforting themself. Or sort of keeping a foot in the door. Like if he keeps on good terms for me and all doesn't work with his plans he can come back to me.

[Cherry]

So we had a great day. Good communication, some laughs.. And then we had sex.. Doesn't really change anything. Now I feel stupid for doing this again. It's like every time we get a bit closer this happens.. And it's so so passionate. I can see the love in his eyes, or at least what I think is love is there

[Elly4]

Hi Cherry, although I'm not sure that sex was the best idea, I do believe that there's love in his eyes. I think our H's are so confused that they are on a pendulum swing. One moment they want what they've had and remember the love, and the next moment they are demonizing us. So I wouldn't feel stupid for loving your H and being with him, whether it's the right thing or not. No one else, even on here, can tell what's right for you. Only you are living through your experience. Does that make sense?

[Heart14]

I agree with Eirinn. Don't beat yourself up. If it makes you feel bad about yourself, I'd try and be strong next time things seem to be going there.

[Cherry]

Yeah it does make sense. And thank you. I think it was probably after yesterday and missing him so so much , that when one thing led to another I just got swept along in the moment and enjoyed being held by him. I'm sure it wasn't the best idea at all.

[Cherry]

I didn't actuallu feel as bad and as lonely as the last time. We talked a bit and he seems like he's starting to question his current lifestyle choices. He said he had seen changes in me that makes him question his thoughts. We talked quite a bit, and even when he was telling me about his EA I made sure I remained calm. He actually pointed out he was shocked how cool and relaxed I was being about everything (my 180s, and my detachment working). I am fairly confused, determined for sure. Making sure that even though I've had a glimmer of hope I don't slip into bad ways. GALing today, trying not to think, trying not to raise hope. Praying. I think it's safe to say yeaterday I think we both genuinely enjoyed spending time together and had a lot of laughs, and a lot of open honest convo. I made sure to validate and listen where necessary too. And if I say so myself, I was and am the girl he would be a fool to let go of.

[Zephyr]

Cherry, you are in a tough spot, no question. You still have love for a man that very well may still have some feelings for you. You still have needs and desires, something that can't be met on our own...not entiretly anyway. Tough choice, right?

Otherwise I am glad to hear you are still making you the best you, you can be!

[Cherry]

He laid there afterwards stroking at my skin. Putting his head on my lap and stuff. The discussions we had seemed positive and it became more of a should we work at this.
Made sure today I didn't message him. He wasn't home by usual meal time- so I went ahead and ate. He came home about 2.5 hours late. I didn't ask where he was. I know we shouldn't expect anything but maybe I'm not fully detached or a but of me was hoping things would be a bit more positive after yesterday. But he is in a right mood, barely says a word- won't even look me in the eye. Whereas yesterday we were acting like a pair of teenagers- we'd catch each other's eyes and be smiling and giggling. I kept myself happy and positive sounding even in the few words said. But I dunno. This whole thing is difficult.

@hwkies it was tough, it's like you just get taken away in the moment and after feeling so lonely and missing him so much the day before, it's like I just wanted to grab at any chance of being in his arms. Still working at me though, been out GALing again. Trying to keep my mind well and truly occupied.