Reality is my middle name

[dejavu2]

Big hug! I'm not as far along as you but I totally understand your conflict. In my mind the marriage is salvageable if H would become physically and emotionally present. I feel a huge sense of duty as I made commitments to this marriage. Taking formal steps to end the marriage also makes me feel very guilty- that I am forcing something on my children. In reality we did not make these situations. The P-A is master at giving us their emotions to deal with b/c they have no clue how to process them.
This is a long process of emotions coming in line with our logic, I wish I had some advice. Know you are not alone in the mixed-up feelings.