Is it really to late? Who knows....

[lost18]

I am so all over the map emotionally. I'm glad he's here but it is so hard at the same time. I guess I'm not doing a very good job DBing. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

Here is a little run down on some things that happened. Friday, he left his phone on the counter all day....wow!

I am doing a Ragnar Relay and his sister is the captain, we had the first team meeting at her house Friday. She told me to tell H to come drink beer. I told him what was going on but I guess he didn't listen because he was not happy when we got to her house and other people were there. (He does tend to be unsocial). Anyway, we were discussing the race, SIL's H is not running but he is going as well as some other spouses. Apparently H is going to go to. This is in FEB 2016...
SIL was talking about getting a reservation for a B & B after the race and asked me if we were going to stay there too? I just shrugged my shoulders and was like no clue, so she said we'll play it by ear.

Later, after everybody else left we started talking about my brother's ex and how long the D drug out and how nasty it was. SIL said something about how if her H cheated on her she would take him for everything (something along those lines). H was like "really? you would do that?" to which she replied absolutely, if he cheated on me. I did not say a word but thought that was interesting!

Today, I said my next project is going to be to paint the front door, neither H or D13 liked the color I said. Then H said I should go to Home Depot and buy one and we talked about one with a window to let some light in. A couple hours later he says, "I thought you were going to paint the door." WTF?

Then, continues to say that "I" should look into getting the windows tinted. (Can't remember exactly what he said but it was like "I" should do it, not we) I just responded "I love how you say that "I" should do that. He knows I can't really afford to do stuff like that unless he pays for it.

Later I def did not do a good job DBing....hanging out in the garage, to the point he had to take his phone to the lot next door by the boat to text. Grr.....

D16 is sick, she said she's been nauseous for a few days and was throwing up today. Of course I asked if she was pregnant (I didn't really think she was) and he said the same thing. Then we started talking about that and honestly the way he said he would handle it I did not agree with it. But it lead into another conversation about our past, when we dated the first time (5 years prior to dating again and getting married). I was asking him questions and he got mad...it was a little weird. I guess he thought I was trying to "get him to open up." He took his phone and went out in the garage, I went out there a few minutes later just to say I didn't intend to make him mad. So def should have handled that better, guess it was unexpected. Later he came in and was fine and we watched TV.

I think I need to have a conversation with him. If he is still planning on moving forward with a D than maybe he just needs to do it. Why is he dragging this out. I don't get it. I am in need of physical affection and yes sex.

I know it is against DB to bring up R talk, but does anybody have any advice how to have that conversation should I decided too?