To Pursue or Not #2

[Arcola]

I spent most of Easter with W and kids. Interactions between W and I were somewhat pleasant. The kids enjoyed themselves as they got to play with some friends at the park and at W's house.

Over the past 3 weeks I've been good about detachment and not pursuing W. A couple of weekends ago when we went out of town with the kids, I didn't touch W at all during our outing or when we went to bed. I'm glad that on that weekend I didn't pursue and so far have not since. There are times I want to, but I don't. I think of all the advice that's given here and also of how W and I got in this situation and her actions. Those help me to not pursue.

Recently W must be hurting or something. She's come at me today about wanting some of the kids yard toys to have at her house. She bought paint and stuff today for her house. She made a statement that at first she thought of her rental as temporary, but she might as well make it as home as much as possible.

In regards to the kids yard toys, we had agreed she could get some, and I said I would help and this happened when we were leaving the park earlier today. At no point did I get angry or mention our sitch. After we left, we went our separate ways and she later sends me a text saying she thinks we both sometimes get defensive when she asks for stuff and that's why she usually doesn't. And she also said, "I don't want it to get ugly and have to go to court and split things up so hopefully we can get used to talking about these things.

I didn't respond to that text and 21 minutes later she sends me a text saying she'd like this and that from the back yard if I wouldn't mind. Once again I didn't respond.

When I went over to her house for Easter dinner none of this got mentioned, but something else happened. I took it upon myself to say nothing and open her fridge and grab me a beer. She made some smart statement about, "Oh, well you can have a beer." I then made it worse when I said can I open this drawer for the bottle opener. She responded, "If you want to act like a jerk you can leave."

We both ended up apologizing to each other. However, she goes on to say how she hates coming over to our marital home and how its so hard for her to get past what she once had. Her statements were making it all one-sided as to her feelings and having to come to the marital home for kid exchange/pick up. I validated, but told her I don't enjoy that my kids have to split their time between another home that I have to be in sometimes too.

The rest of the evening was okay. We didn't speak much to each other unless it was about how we'd go about hiding the kids Easter eggs and stuff.

I don't know where things are headed. I don't want divorce, but I want to ask her if she wants divorce. I just don't know what she plans to achieve by this whole S since we don't talk about it at all until she has gotten so mad for some reason.