Today I definitely took a step back. Was so emotional about Easter that I sent H an email. Nothing full of anger but I said we went to Mass and then I babbled on a bt about the significant relationships in our lives. Told him I miss my H and wished him clarity and peace this Easter.
I mean I have the right to do reach out and he probably hit delete anyway. Guess I am dumbfounded that my H has just vanished. He texted the girls Happy Easter and I don't think they even responded. They have zero respect and I am still trying to pave a road home. Why? Am I really a saint or just feel like I am not worthy of any respect?
I keep thinking my H is in there somewhere. He's confused. He's unwell. I mean I fought for a separation agreement just in case this was permanent but clearly I keep thinking I'll wake up and he'll call and apologize. He's never made an attempt to reach out to me. Logically I know that but emotionally I just can't seem to face it.
Up until BD last year I don't think he ever lied to me. Maybe he did? I mean H fell so quickly into this abyss and now he is 2000 miles away. The running when life got tough was always there but we moved together. I thought H was ambitious but now I think he was avoiding monotony.
Why can't I accept this situation? My faith tells me marriage is a sacrament but there is a 3rd person in our relationship. H is choosing to live with another woman. As a Catholic he is turning his back on the church. We decided to raise and educate our girls in the faith. It boggles my mind that he could be so bold.
I was so determined to get the business of this separation out of the way. Now that I've done that I can't seem to get to the next place. I still wear my ring but he has removed his and is going to live with OW like we never existed.
I need to talk with the Priest. I am struggling with reconciling my faith with my moral compass. My girls see me and I wonder if they think I am compassionate or a woman with low self esteem? My heart would be breaking if I saw them having to endure a situatin like this.
Last edited by 123Gwen; 04/05/1511:27 PM.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
