Well I have to do some thinking now as I am thoroughly confused. I'm supposed to be strong, as this is what I've been doing. H left me and S, I didn't leave H and now because I had to live my life for nine months without H, had to be strong, couldn't do this, couldn't do that, don't let H see things didn't bother me, don't cry, don't react, don't put pressure on H, now I'm supposed to show H that I need him!?
So what does that mean? Drama, yelling and screaming as this is what says to him that I need him?
But I do show H that I appreciate him, I thank him for doing things, I compliment H, I'm just not desparate like the OW.
I WAS like that when H left and he could have cared less!! My/our world was turned upside down and H DIDN'T care and either did OW!!
I think I just need to cry today, don't know why, but I'm feeling very emotional right now and I have to get ready for work.
I know H wants to know that I care for him. This week though he's been very withdrawn from me. I don't know if it's becuase he's feeling guilty about last Saturday of IF he is thinking OW is looking more appealing now.
Or my H is just a horse A** and I'm stupid for even being with him. That I should even keep trying as it's like banging my head against the walls some days.
I'm pulled five different ways during the day, between getting my child to school, me getting to work, my very demanding boss, constant phone interuptions at work from our donors, taking care of H and his needs, and having this whole thing on my mind 24/7 and always trying to stay one step ahead of H and OW.
