[BrightFuture]

Gwen, Job, thanks for the advice. I did go to a lawyer a few months ago with the intent to start the separation process. I learnt a few things that stopped me going any further. In my state there is not much difference between the D and Separation. The only difference is that with Separation, neither spouse can remarry. Everything else works like in D, including the separation of finances and property.

So, what the attorney told me is that in our case, I already have the house (since H signed it out to me), but we will have to divide the condo. There is no equity to divide, the condo is under water, but H will have to refi it and take my name out of the mortgage. Even if we agree to still own it together, the court will enforce the complete separation. The attorney assured me of this.

H would not be able to refi the condo right now. He has no money. So, most likely he will lose the condo all together. And I don’t want to take the responsibility for the mortgage. It works for me pretty good right now. He pays the mortgage, and I get to use the condo.

Gwen, no, H doesn’t have any property in the state where he works. He rents a room in his buddy’s house.

Job, I used to go the vacation home quite often. I normally stay away while H is there, but during the summer I go every month.

...he's certainly not going to put you first any time soon.

–Yes, I just got a taste of this again. I try not to have any expectations, but deep down there is still this tiny little hope lingering every time I have interactions with H.

Anyway, the tax signing is done. It was actually last night. I was at my sister’s for dinner. We were watching the sunset and when I came inside I had a missed call from H. He left me a voice mail, telling me that he was about to board the plane, that he will be in town later at night and he would like to stop by the house and sign the taxes, instead of coming in the morning, because he wanted to leave earlier.

I called him back and I told him that I was not home and I would be home late. He said that he would still like to come over. Oh, and BTW, when I called him, he picked up the phone and instead of usual “hi” said “hi Bright”. This is different...

He texted me when he was in the neighborhood (I suppose at his brother’s). I texted him when I got home and he came.

It didn’t take long. We had a small conversation and I learnt that he actually was looking into a new car insurance. He called USAA (the vet’s organization) and they quoted him a number which was twice as much as he has now. I told him that the amount we pay now includes a significant discount (I think almost like 20%) for my professional degree, and that it would very hard to match elsewhere.

He also told me that he has to maintain some comprehensive coverage for his truck. It is still working pretty well for him (wow, this was one positive statement!) Before he would complain about the truck and how much money he puts into its maintenance and gas.

He thanked me a couple of times for allowing him to come at night and not wait until morning.

On another note… My BIL (sister’s H) told me a few things yesterday. About a month or so ago, when H was in town and met with my BIL, there was a conversation over the drinks. My BIL normally keeps it to himself, but some things come out eventually. A week later my sister told me that she heard that my H expressed some regrets. I kind of bushed it aside, because my BIL didn’t make a big deal out of it. But, the thoughts of it crept into my mind.

Yesterday, my BIL told me a little more about what H said. He said that he’s been doing some dumb things for a while now, like making bad decisions. The way my BIL explained it sounded like H also said that his head is screwed up now and he really doesn’t understand why he is doing certain things.

And interesting thing was that my sister called me later last night asking me how the visit went. I just thought about it. It is not that often any more when she wants to know. Oh, and my BIL told me before I left last night, that if he would be me, he would go home and prepare for H’s visit, meaning refreshing the makeup, the hair, looking and spelling the best. I wonder what is this about, LOL.