Letting go Qs

[Pyrite]

... I'm trying to remember if I ever felt that way when my wife was there. .... Honestly I did. Hell yeah, I did, at many different times over the years. In the beginning it was sort of like this grief - but to a much lesser degree because she was still there. Towards the end I suppose I had detached from her.

but that isn't the same as the alone we feel right now. it is hard, and i dont want to do it, but i have to force myself not to think about it. i've tried for long enough to just keep going and let myself think about it if happen too. and it has helped in a way. i have had though long and hard about everything. i have exhausted all reason. thinking about it more is not going to uncover anything new. it isn't going to help me. it feels very artificial, and contrived, and even wrong, but i have to force myself. i know that it will get easier. it has even without trying to do this, so imagine if i try. but i still have my reservations.

if being detached is so easily achieved then how real was my love that i can just turn it off. i dont know that it is a fair comparison though. why should i ever be attached. why should i let myself be. so many questions. but at this point i am ready to give it a shot. if it is irreversible and i become a loveless drone, i'll try to remember to post and let you know to stay away. but with so much support and examples of ppl here moving on.....