It's a nightmare. Wake me up.

[koalada]

I am reading a couple of books at the moment and one is about the different needs H and W have in a marriage. I see that I have not satisfied all of her needs. I have my part in an unhappy marriage and I take full responsibility for this fact.
But I believe, that it is disrespectful to throw a 20yr M away, without trying to fix it. As I have said, I can see her trouble and that she felt trapped in our M. But it is a mixture of different causes, that have led to the situation. My W thought, that it was just me, who was the problem. Once I would leave, her life would be great. She did not even question this thought once and she might still believe it. But guess what? Although I have left, she is still exhausted all of the time, she has still problems taking care of her money, she is still arguing with the kids and she still has to find a new job. She is not a happy person right now. She probably blames it on me, who knows? I have no idea, what she is thinking.

One thing that feels good right now is, that I take care of myself as good as possible. There are days when I loose it and be grumpy and angry, but there are days when I am stable and not attached to her. Today it is middle ground. I try not to get manipulated by her behaviour and words and I try not to manipulate her.

Regarding her training weekend, I have not made a decision yet. The kids would love to be with them, they have already told me.