Sounds like H is doing some soul searching and is turning to you for support.
You are doing great. It sounds like you had some great, but simple, conversations this weekend.
I am sorry that you had to go through the wondering of where he was, but glad he told you the truth and that you were able to enlighten him to his pattern of behavior in such a supportive way.
I am also sorry that he doen't recognize his drinking problem. I hope for his sake and others that he doesn't end up hurting someone while driving. For him to say he didn't care about himself made me so sad. With your love and support, maybe he will start to love himself again.
That is great that you let him know that you pray for him. I am going to tell my H that too again when the opportunity arises.
Have a great day.
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Last night H had put dinner in the oven for me before I came home. H had picked up S from daycare, also. H and S were playing driveway hockey when I got home.
Had dinner as a family. H made some smart a** remark after I told him I was taking a week off in early May. "I'm taking a month off this year" and I was supposed to be on vacation this WEEK" with OW I'm sure, as I'm sure OW was paying! H just doesn't know when to quit, it bugged me that he said that, didn't let him know. Maybe that he was going to take a week off from work, when he's busy to go somewhere with OW which H never did with me. On the otherhand, I'm guessing "he was supposed to be on vacation" was more a lie than anything else.
The evening was okay. H made a trip to gander mountain, S and I did a few errands. Didn't say a whole lot to me unless he wanted me to do something for him related to hunting/fishing.
H does have cellphone back with him at work. I knew that wouldn't last.
H wouldn't say goodnight last night. We talked a little bit. H asked if H had been on the BB/ "talked with my friends" and did I tell them about him "not finding his way home" Saturday night. I guess the positive from that was that he said "home"
H has been trying to get me mad or should I say trying to find fault with anything I do right now which is probably to be expected. His mood swings back and forth.
H did take the trash out this morning which he hasn't done in a long time. But wouldn't say good bye to me this morning either.
I did call H to have him wake S up this morning by phone. H will talk to S and S will slowly wake up, I think S likes it when H does this and it is kind of cute.
I'm realizing that this is going to take awhile for H to get over OW, get OW out of his life. For some reason I had it my head that when H came home, he'd stop talking/contacting OW becuase he WOULD know this is what he needs to do to get OW out of his system.
Even though the WA comes home, they're not really home yet--is that how it goes and that it will take time. This month is a year ago that H started sneaking around with OW. So I'm thinking back to that time lately.
I think sometimes I try to put a timeline on the process. Okay this many months for H to get over OW, this many months for H to start doing this, etc., etc. I can't do that. No expectations, not looking too far down the road. Just focus on the now.
All I can say is: I don't know how you do it my friend! I started to get angry just reading your post....since your H's actions kindda reminded me of someone I know.
You are soooo patient! Your H is very lucky in this respect.
Quote: I'm realizing that this is going to take awhile for H to get over OW, get OW out of his life. For some reason I had it my head that when H came home, he'd stop talking/contacting OW becuase he WOULD know this is what he needs to do to get OW out of his system.
You'd think so wouldn't you?
Quote: I think sometimes I try to put a timeline on the process. Okay this many months for H to get over OW, this many months for H to start doing this, etc., etc. I can't do that. No expectations, not looking too far down the road. Just focus on the now.
Yup! This is what I've been trying to do. I look at the boards and see that people's sitchs started to improve after aobut a year of this nonsense and I think: "ok, things should start to change now. I should start to see some improvement."
Yes, we can only focus on the now. I, as a total control-freak, planner, need to do this as well.
OK ... you probably wondering if I finally lost it? but this is my crude representation of an inchworm walking ... and that's the walk I see your H doing too.! It many it may seem like he is just "chasing his tail", but look at what he was doing just a scant few months ago. Those things he's doing alot less frequently now. Take notice of his actions now and you see he is now doing more of what he wasn't back then. He is just making changes inch by inch . The consistency of his changes are improving at the pace an inch at a time. It ever sooo slow, but it is still motion in the right direction.
_/\_o ____o _/\_o
As a project, have your son draw some of these and put them around the house ... put this up on the fridge ... etc. Maybe turn it into a new motif decor for a room. (CAW is into dairy cows in the kitchen) It'd be a way to keep ever present reminder that some day your H & you will get where you want to be.
KAW you are TOO funny. Can't I just step on the damn thing!? LOL!!
What a great idea!!
It's so easy to get caught in the day-to-day, the baby steps, that we lose focus on the big picture.
I know this took some time and I appreciate the effort you put into your post. It really means a lot to me!!
When this all started almost a year ago, my C told me to pretend I was Meryl Streep and that I was going to have to do put on the performance of my life, an Oscar winning performance to turn things around. I put Meryl's picture up around the house.
AND, in "Death Becomes Her" there is a scene where Meryl does fall apart, her whole body and pulls herself back together again. Hmmmm
Tonight we had an appointment with a loan counselor to talk about refinancing our VA Loan. Before the guy gets here H says I don't want to sign anything tonight. I want to think on it. I agreed as I don't ever like to sign things on the spot, H seems to fall for these schemes. So I was surprised when he said this.
The H says "well what if I'm not going to stay, are you keeping the house?" I said, then why are we doing this? H said I just want to get the info. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised, this is one of his standard MCL lines. The other one was "I can see nothing's changed here" which never made any sense.
We then went to have a burger and now H is taking a shower with S.
I know, I know I shouldn't read anything into what he says. My mind of course is ASSuming he's back in contact with OW and this is what she is telling him...to come back to her. OW is telling H her "sad stories" that H said he was sick of. I'm taking a lot of what H says this week personally I think, ASSuming. Mainly becuase he went to her house the other night in a drunken stupor and ASSuming OW's back on his mind.
but this is my crude representation of an inchworm walking ... and that's the walk I see your H doing too.! 
project, have your son draw some of these and put them around the house ... put this up on the fridge ... etc. 
(CAW is into dairy cows in the kitchen) It'd be a 
LOL!!
