My fail of sadness....

[BW911]

Rick.... no one would want to return to someone who was a yeller. I get what you're saying. I really don't know how to show her that Im not that guy anymore other than through my actions. However, we spend next to no time together, so its almost a double edged sword. I really don't know how she can trust me again either..... I don't know how to get her to see that she can trust me when, once again, we spend next to no time together.

Zues.... you're right, I really don't know how to deal with my emotions. Ive never been an emotional guy. I was good at shutting people out and off. I was extremely good at it for a long time. I was one of those "if you don't like it, then stuff it and move on..." and nothing and no one could change my mind once it was set. So here I am "feeling" stuff and, for lack of a better term, it [censored].

Im trying my hardest to "sit in it" as you put it. But dear lord is it hard.... I don't want to make any decisions that have a permanent impact because I desperately want things to work out.

Drop off and pick up of my son today was rather fast with little convo. She wasn't cold, but she was also not going to have any delays either. I don't know if it had something to do with my request last night or not. I got her a little flower arrangement for easter and she appeared to like it, but again, it was a very quick "hi" and "bye" kind of thing. I didnt push for any time nor did I bring anything up that was discussed the night before. I figured it was best to leave that alone and stick with and respect her wishes to give me an answer on Sunday. I also figured it was best to not say anything about feelings or what not either.

Thanks for the support guys..... its too bad there isn't an option to sit and talk about this stuff over a beer or two.