Coming Home

[mleigh4]

Hi there. Another week has passed. I can't believe how fast time goes, and how busy I am staying.

Last Saturday, S and I had decided to go see Home that night. H had texted asking our plans. I let him know and also said he was welcome, he wanted to come with. Since he was running late, as always, we met at the movies. It was such a cute movie! But there were a few parts where I cringed a little. The whole movie is based on family and home and the girl fighting to get it back. At one point, she yelled at the alien, you dont just LEAVE your family! Ouch, I just told H those words a couple of weeks ago. But during the movie, H and S were snuggled up together, it was nice. After, H said he wanted to stop by to visit and give us some brownies he made. He didn't stay long, but asked before leaving if S and I wanted to go have dinner the next night. We said sure.

Sunday, H made us reservations for "our" place, our favorite steak place. The service started out slow, so our server treated us with a free appetizer and free dessert. We had a good time. I found it I interesting that H wanted to spend so much time with us.

The schedule with S went very smooth this week, no mix ups! I continue to keep myself busy when S is gone and am doing better with it. I actually look forward to the time to get errands done or work on whatever project I have going.

My SIL checked in to see how I was doing. I told her great, keeping busy and living life. She apologized for her family being plagued with divorce and voiced her frustration with her brother. Just the D word alone makes my stomach turn, and I just didn't want to go there with her. But I told her, pretty short and sweet, that divorce hasn't come up in a while, that H needs this time and space to figure things out, that I am ok with it, and that I too am finding this time and space helpful to work on my own issues. She replied that I sound like I am in a very happy and healthy place and was happy to hear it.

After this conversation, I felt a little......emotionally drained. I am finding that I really don't think about H or our situation much, and when I have to, I don't really want to. The thing I notice the most is that people see it all so black and white. SIL saw that H moved out, so must mean divorce. As we all know, this is all far from black and white. So I have to put my perspective back into focus after these discussions, and it's draining!

Last night I went to grab a vase. I didn't know it was broken, the top half was just sitting on the bottom half, slid off, and put a nice cut on my face. Not sure how vase got like that.......really hoping H didn't just leave it that way? Trying not to think that way. I don't think I need stitches. So H was with FIL at a Sharks game and TM me about Easter. Him and his dad want to get together here for dinner. I let him know what happened and he actually seemed concerned. He offered to leave and come stay with S so I could go to doctor, but I told him I was fine.

He texted this morning asking how the cut was, another first in a long time. So we decided to add every other Saturday to our schedule for S. He said he thought we had already talked about that. I didn't go there, just said it's fine. Between us, no, we never decided that. Not sure who he is having these conversations with but it's not me.

Anyway, I am surprised about the Easter thing because it is also H and FIL birthday. They have the same birthday, cute huh? Surprised H wants to spend it family style, may just be because it's Easter. But we normally don't do anything special on that day. Anyway, Sounds fun, I love cooking for people!

S brought home his Easter project from school. 2 Bunnies, one for my place, one for daddy's. I told S that was really sweet of him. I asked, was that your idea or teacher? He said teacher. Told me she has all the kids with divorced parents make 2 projects. I told him, we are not divorced sweetie. He said he knows, but we are not together. I told him, yes, that's right, and just dropped it. He is doing so well with all of this, why confuse anything anymore, right? But I am not sure if I like what the teacher is doing? Doesnt that kind of single kids out? And I HATE that my kid is part of that. IDK, still sinking in, but not sitting well with me....

As far as H bday. I don't have it in me to get any kind of gift. I wasn't even planning on acknowledging it, to be honest, but kind of have to now? I figure I will just say S and I can take him to dinner sometime if he wants and leave it at that.

What do you guys think? How do you handle your spouses Bdays?