First of all thank you all so much for your help. You have no idea how much your input means (...or I guess you probably do). I have read and will re-read the links you have sent and they are very helpful. I am trying very hard not to pursue. I am taking care of myself, going to the gym, etc.
I have had a porn addiction for all of our marriage and I know I am responsible, or at least had a major part, for this EA. I am addressing that and attending support meetings.
The OM lives on the opposite coast from us. He is married and has a daughter who is about 13 yrs old.
We talked last night and she apologized for having hurt me, says she loves me, but still claims it was all innocent, she is not attracted to him and that she was just looking for someone to say how good she used to look (she and I were both in really great shape then, but she has gained a little with medication for asthma). She says she needs a friend she can talk to. She then went into how I have ruined every good moment in our relationship.
She says she has not contacted him at all, says he tried to call her twice but she did not pick up. Told me to check the phone records and I would see that. I did and found no records of his calls (I won't tell her I checked). Not sure how to take that. He is still her Facebook "friend". Every time she shows me something on Facebook I see his icon on the side as being a "friend". Of course this is a huge trigger for me. Do I ask her to "unfriend" him?
She has changed all her passwords and told me that if I spy on her she will leave. Says she had previous relationships with guys who spied on her and her father was very controlling and she can't stand that.
I have read Divorce Remedy and am getting counseling from Chuck.
