She mentioned that I did not do enough for her when she was using. That I was not attached to her enough emotionally that I was just willing to "let her die."
Darned if you do, darned if you don't.
She criticizes you for failing her during her alcohol dependency problem (which is likely outrageous since you were no doubt completely trying to handle and take care of everything and everyone) but NOW, when she has an addiction to OM you are being "controlling" and unhelpful.
Remind her that you won't fail again to protect her. That her relationship with OM is just another form of escape and addiction. That you have no intention of being "controlling" but rather you are exercising "protection". OM is unhealthy for and destructive to her...just as alcohol is/was. You don't quit alcohol by hanging out in bars and others drinking and you don't quit OM by continuing to chat and be friendly with him.
BTW. Turning off the internet is perfectly justifiable in this situation. It's not overly controlling. She is free to walk out the door and speak to OM any way she wants but she's not gonna do it on your dime and in your home.
For years your wife's primary relationship was alcohol. Getting that under control is a huge accomplishment but very often having to face real relationships as a sober person is difficult without the crutch of alcohol. I am not a fan of co-ed AA meetings. Dangerous places of too much sharing between married persons with opposite sex persons not their spouse.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
