...and another WAS

[Pyrite]

Thanks Zeus. It is early days yet. I am still in a position of having faith that my beautiful wife is still in there somewhere, and she will re-surface at some stage.

Couple of things. I realize how few people do this. My best friend's W is a family therapist, she says like < 5% of people in a D do what most of the people on this board do. Most rebound or medicate, try to control their ex through poor behavior, or at best just walk away. Very few try to learn from it.

I think i've always been in the few percent minorities. . It sounds very encouraging. That we are the chosen and the righteous . At least I am sure that we are the the wiser and healthier for exploring whatever issues we can.

I knew right away I had made a mistake. Most people just don't do this stuff.

Sad but true. Even less "crazy" than DBing. I find I have to adopt this approach and vary my story to different audiences. e.g. one family member can't understand why I object to them just calling her a b***ch, and you're better off with out her, style comments.

What do YOU think? How long do you feel is appropriate to stand by your M? Until she cheats? Until she says it's over? Until the divorce is inked? Or until you have really moved on, grown, the dust has settled, it's a year after your D is FINAL, you can see there is no sign of change in your ex, and you are interested in using your new skills to build with someone else?

All good/unanswerable questions. I am finding solace in just being here. Adopting the attitude that I can have her in my life. Think thoroughly through everything that happened. Get mad/sad/glad, Dr. Seussical even. I find it cathartic, rather than the conventional approach of just think about something else. I suppose in DB speak, I find detaching easier by embracing. Which makes sense really. Gritting your teeth and tensing just makes injections hurt even more.

This sits well with me too. Rather than trying so hard to brush it aside and move on, I can move on at my pace. And i dont have to say goodbye to her until I am ready. That sounds unhealthy doesn't it?