...and another WAS

[Zues126]

First off, when someone is pushing your buttons, don't change their behavior, just unplug the power so they don't do anything. That's the detaching. Not easy, and time helps. So then part of it is being ok with your reactions for a time as they are normal. Best thing to do is not empower them further with thoughts about "why does she have all of this power over me?!?", but instead "yeah, totally standard that I'd feel this way, this too shall pass", followed by a deep breath.

Why do we stand? Big picture perspective. See, in the short term, it IS easier to just split and find someone else. Then in 5-10 years when you get in the same spot just rinse and repeat. The problem with that is that you end up with a series of broken families and spread that pattern to your children so they can do the same. You'll never have a lifelong partner, you'll be deprived of the comfort of knowing you can work through anything with your W, you may be alone when your body starts to fail and you want companionship. All of those things. So yeah, if you want out of pain now and just the best 1-2 years possible, PM me and I can give you a list of destructive ways to medicate. But those of us here want more.

Then there are values, beliefs, and commitments. Some are religious and take their vows to God seriously. I personally believe in the importance of those commitments and think that they trump feelings. IN fact, I think that's what VALUES are for. They are a series of beliefs we promise ourselves to live by trusting that they will be better for our lives than doing what we feel like. Again...better in the long term and overall.

I gave up on saving my M, and instead just worked on being a better me and a better H. That way I'm in a win win. If some type of miracle brought us together again in a better M, fantastic. If not, I can sleep easy knowing I followed my beliefs, and I can be optimistic that the future will be better and that I will be prepared for my next R.

And while I believe my M is over, I can truly say I think I'm developing into H material for a lucky lady someday...Wouldn't trade that for the world!