I'm relatively new here. Been reading a lot and finally decided to ask my question. Quick background: discovered husband's affair last year. Married 28 years, daughter in college, son in high school. Husband says he was miserable for a long time and has a long list of why we are no longer compatible and not a good fit. He wanted to move out but I convinced him not to because our daughter was about to study abroad. I went through the the typical first stage of hysterically begging, etc. After a tortuous four months, he stopped seeing the OW although they still talk. I've been very clear in acknowledging my role in how we got to this point and really want to turn things around. We go through periods when we are fine, then he says he's still conflicted and wants to leave. When we discuss the relationship, I try but seem to fail at using the correct techniques listed here. When we go through good periods, I'm ok. I feel like I'm being torn apart. Part of me wants to let him move out and then go dark, but then I think of the kids being collateral damage during this experiment. Both kids are extremely sensitive and going through their own difficult times. I just lose it when I think about how this would derail them at critical points in their lives. It's just so unfair to them. So far, they think we have a perfect marriage. They will utterly go into shock. I'm completely distraught at this point. When we discuss the relationship, he ends up being very hurtful and I say all the wrong things...
Welcome to DB
My first suggestion is re-post this and a little more in newcomers.
Your kids are almost adults, I think you need to start looking out for YOU!
