My fail of sadness....

[Zues126]

Hey BMW, not an easy spot. I DO wish you support in your time of strife.

Everything you typed makes perfect sense, except for one thing. It doesn't really work that way. It looks good on paper, but when it comes to real life, well, that's not how it goes. Mike Tyson says "everyone has a plan until they start getting punched hard in the face".

Talking about how being abusive was something in the past...I personally don't believe you've really understood where this came from and have worked through it far enough to be able to casually say "sheesh, that's not me anymore". The road to hell is paved with good intention. This is supported by your view of things which seems to be all logic in your head, a series of decisions, a series of "either it will be this or this, what can you do, it is what it is". The problem is that our EMOTIONS don't agree with your assessment.

For example. If you lose a love one, you can't simply tell yourself "well, they're gone, I guess nothing I can do so oh well" and stop feeling bad. There are a LOT of emotions, thoughts, beliefs, and other fallout to deal with for a long time. It changes who you are.

The fact that you're talking as if you can just pick a road and go with it indicates to me that you're not good at really dealing with emotions, that you don't really know how they work. And, it's possible you really DO think they work this way, and that "you really can just shut them off". If so, I know how this is done and NO ONE was better at it for 20 years. *************NO ONE I WOULD BET MY LIFE ON IT****************
Read my threat and you'll get a hint.

In reality, whether she says "yes" or "no", YOU will have a decision to make. Do you want to work on you? Do you want to grow as a person? IF SHE REALLY DOES WANT TO WORK ON THE M the first thing she'd do is TEST you to see if you were being sincere. The easiest way for her to do that would be to tell you "no", then see who you became after she thought you had given up, or to see how you responded. She's seen the "nice guy act" too many times. You can't act your way out, you'll have to really grow up quite a bit.

Again. SLOW DOWN. You're really uncomfortable being here which makes sense. But the rush to get clarity so you can accept and feel better again...if you can't sit with this crap you'll never make a M work.

But I believe you can do it. I am doing it. And I PROMISE I had as many addictive tendencies and emotional problems as ANYONE.

PS- reading your plan again reminded me of a quote I like:

THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEORY AND PRACTICE.
IN THEORY. BUT THERE IS IN PRACTICE.