gan 6 - return to human be-ing

[Sotto]

Gan, I'm glad you left that pesky ole sea monster in the abyss, and are back to be-ing.

As you know, I'm in the group of long time NC. I've not actually seen H since August '14, and only spoken once by phone for 20 minutes in the last six months. I can certainly understand the need for answers in our kind of scenario.

Of course the answer may not be what we want to hear. Your choice reminds me of advice Miman posted from his DB coach on this thread. Struck a chord with me anyway.

What I would say to you (and I say to myself) is this is just a point where we are at in our sitches. You have the 'now' answer. Whether that answer will be the same in 3,6, 9 months is unknown. And only you can decide what you want to do.

For me, I feel a slow erosion of love and respect for my H. And his recent/current actions show me that he is still foggy, which doesn't give me much hope for my sitch in the short term. Whether he and I could come back from that, I don't know. Do I want to? I don't know. Sometimes I wonder why I am still here doing this? Is it just a dogged, "well I've started this so I'll finish....."

Lots of uncertainty. And I do think your H's answers still sound pretty confused. But I do think the answer is to keep on with that direction of travel - forwards. And in time, things will become clearer.

We all wrestle with the sea monster from time to time, which is painful. But also painfully useful and it does move us forward.

Have a good weekend Gan xx