My fail of sadness....

[BW911]

Zues, I see what you're saying and never looked at my actions in that light before. At this point, I want to fight until the bitter end. I don't want to look back and say.... "damn.... I should have at least tried that one last effort...." I don't know if she's done, she doesnt know if she's done either. We are definitely at what Michele considers "zero hour" and we are teetering on the edge. I reached out to a REAL relationship therapist and she wants to meet with us, and I broached the subject with my W tonight. She said she had to think about it and would give me an answer on Sunday as to whether she would go or not.

However, I am for the most part, at peace with either answer. If she says she will go..... awesome! Theres something that may still be there. If not.... well then at least I know she really is done and is moving towards being coparents and done with what we had.

She said, tonight, that her main concern was that she didnt want to hurt again. I understand this, and although that part of me is gone, it is hard for her to accept. I completely understand that I am asking someone who has already hurt, to risk hurting again. But, I also hope that after almost 5 years of marriage, that a couple months of giving our all, may be worth the effort.

She said she had to consider it and would give me an answer on Sunday. I feel I'm ready for both answers. No..... well that would be devastating, but it would be something.... and YES..... well that would be my "golden ticket" per say, and Id have something to work for.

I also understand the importance of GAL. Im trying very hard. I hit the gym every day and I got crazy hard on my diet. Im already pretty fit, but now its like its in high gear. Aside from that I've been planning trips with friends, reconnecting, and getting back into the things I loved to do when we first met. I literally dropped so many things I used to love to do for me and I think that was a mistake.