Yesterday H was in quiet mode, he just didn't have a lot to say nor did he say a lot. He did set up an appointment for us next week to look at redoing our mortgage.
H is still saying things that are so inappropriate or more unbelievable considering what we've been through the last year. He doesn't think before he speaks and says some pretty amazing things.
We were talking about something and he said "you didn't like that I was dating OW" like a smartass/sarcastically. It didn't bother me, but the fact that he doesn't think before he speaks. He does this in other areas of his life, also. H talks like he has the right to tell people exactly how they are not matter how much pain it causes. I did say why did you say that? What is that supposed to mean? H just said, I don't know I just said it. So he's like a little kid. Yet if anyone were to say something like that to him, for instance me, he'd be scarred for life and pissy.
Right after he said that he said "you don't have any feelings anyway" and I said I'm sorry you feel that way and I hope you someday feel different. I do sometimes keep them bottled up or USED to, this is something he says on automatic pilot. Like not too long after he left. He'd come over and say "nothing's changed here" and it go to the point that he said it EVERYTIME he came over and finally I just had to laugh.
Maybe it's too much for him? I don't know if he's in denial or that he's still in replay and doesn't YET realize all the pain he's caused.
We were also talking about building a new house and where we'd live and then H comes out and says "I don't know if I'm even going to stay with you" so it's things like that.
I can't quite figure out why he says the things he says. I still don't know this man, I don't know what's lurking below the surface.
I didn't do anything at the casino and when I don't win, I feel this tremendous guilt. That I lost money, that I went, not quite sure what the guilt is about, but it was painful. I really FELT it and if this is how the MLC'r feels most of the time, then I don't envy them.
