May your

[Ggrass]

Gg, if I understand you then you are upset that you wasted your years with a narc. Someone who because of narc treated you very badly, harmed you, ignored you and was unsupportive when there were issues in your own life?

well the issues crept in slowly, h also did what that woman's h in the video did. He confessed his sins in his first marriage the fact xw "thought" and told people h sexually assulted Her by forcing her, assulted and was tough on their s25. She herself told me h was unsupportive and very selfish in his desires. Which was not totally the case first. H always expressed resentment, set bounderies and dished out punishment and told you to your face.

As the woman in the video each time something happened h promised it was the last, but each incident pushed the limits for next time. Thus the last year it was an express train one event after another, constant punishments and the asult of s15. I tryed to leave then, I stood up and roared and yelled and became a nasty banshee. Then h talked and as always the excuses flowed and the if your a good person you can forgive mistakes, it was a mistake i didn't know wasn't ok, all the reason and excuses why he wasn't to blame. I worked on forgiveness and found it hard when I was abused and constantly given the Balme for the next 8 or so months. I found it really hard to forgive another event like all the others. The same issues kept cropping up.

His behaviour was such that you were left unsure of exactly what to do in your M for the M to be happy. H was always dissatisfied with his life ad blamed you for it! I hope that I have assessed that ok.
that's pretty much ^ it, I coped the blame for his actions and was accused of everything. I didn't know but smeared behind my back to every relative who would listen. my private intimate life was disscussed with every one from h mother to the ow. There was no way to parent a grown man, I felt I had to tell him basic human respect and how to behave in ways you would a one year old child who took no notice. When you thought he understood he would then flip saying you were the one who was the child.


When you first met H, how was he? Were there any indications that he had these tendencies?
his xw talked about him being that way, but part of both their story added up and was identical. Both blamed her sex issues for the r breaking down. There was some odd things that I was forced to endure like xw getting a say in h life after the d. The fact he considered them still friends, but she took advantage and h in his way allowed her to. She borrowed money in h name but he had to sign for it? He also allowed her stay with us in the house on the odd weekend to have joint time with s25, to which she complained constantly. Unsure why you would.

When h called her all the things he called me liar, wh&$) sneaky manilpution master.

You obviously felt he would make a good life partner then, so did his behaviour gradually change?
he gas lighted and re wrote history often saying I was confused. That started early on. I didn't relaise it then, but see it now. He was more subtle about what he did, and always in the beginning had reasonable and plauseable stories. H worked had goals was prepared to get them and seemed honnest at the time.

You were very clearly unhappy, what did you do to try to resolve it? Did you think of leaving?
with each escalating event over the years yes, I did say I was done a few times, each time h begged stating he needed to become the person he can be. He acknowledged issues, but then it's was only lip service, very little action.

That last 8months when h hit s15 it was done, by h to force my hand, but he also played the I needed to take the high road and be gracious and forgiving of his mistakes. I know mistakes committed on my end would never have been forgiven so easily. Refusing to check h house while he was away one night in a storm -8 night with a chest infection I coped abuse via phone. H cared more about house, cat and break in rather than my health, even tho h mother had been their that day. Parranoid behviour is a narc specialty. . ]

Do you think this affected S17?
yes, he says not but he copies h abusive words word for word when h cannot get his way


Did you think of finishing and asking H to leave or was the assault on Sthen15 the trigger? yes, but I thought I was being loyal and gracious staying and trying to work it out. I think from h perspective he wanted to have the a and me too so he was managing me down to take the blame for that too, as h thought I needed c and mc. I thought asult of a minor was maditory reporting and that would increase the issues. I said I wanted some time to work things out he agreed. Later he used the me saying not now for mc over the assult was the issue. My issue my cause for the break up.

i would like to understand and if this is very distressing it's ok too.

V

The real beginning of the end was me exploding and throwing everything on the floor. To later regret it but by then ow was relieved and it would have ruined h story of gg the crazee person. I was in a way loosing my grip, h was telling me nothing was real. When I exploded I knew there was an ow. I knew.

All the calls, all the texts all the funny stuff. The staying down there, the truth comes out even if most don't want to know. In fact h was mute, he knew he had been rolled and I was the only time he was rendered completely speechless. He actually confessed, but then when he realised he had made up a cover story.

Those abuse videos do trigger me, but it's not about him. it's more about how I didn't see, how I thought he was genuine. How the L stuff is showing me how far back h lies started.

Quite a long way. I think the quote " there is little you can do when you do not live in an honnest r! "