Part 17 - Edz, living in interesting times

[edz]

Hi v crystalising words as always

In chronographical order.

I'd say coming to terms with the facts that I had been suffering from depression and starting to address that. From there came a better understanding of the reasons for a lot of the problems as well as pain at how it got out of control and latterly now accepting and understanding it. From them of course first being with s again and his first night over then the move going from the pain of splitting the contents to the challenge of moving in and settling and making it a home an ongoing process.

Then son staying over multiple nights in his own room we put together between us reflecting him, making it his home too and a place he likes to be. Him staying in the week sometimes and enjoying and asking to be with me and building a trust and bond again as well as having fun. Finally starting to feel like myself in my body again as the weight starts to come down and I'm at my 2003 weight on my way down and my fitness increases again, taking a pride in my appearance again as the depression is saddled and controlled.

Finally and currently bittersweet glimpses of w behind the barriers she's had as she opens up on how she really felt and how she now is unsure but doesn't discount us. I'm glad the depression and therapy was dealt with before that, honestly hearing those problems and thoughts before I had uncovered and dealt with them wouldn't have been the same positive experience or outcome.

And today feeling ok in my home with just me and a bft, comfortable, reading, relaxing ahead of a busy day tomorrow and watching the rain. I'd love some company but its ok just me for today, for now.

So v about this Indian food, do I need to heat up some plates?

Edz

[edz]

Hi gan sorry didn't see you over the page there!

Yes day 1 she didn't even think s would be happy to be around me and worried how he'd feel and be after he had spent time with me. That was one of the worst things I've heard or felt ever.

Now he actively wants to stay here and w said he'd live here if he had the option. He randomly asks w that he'd like to see me and w has called me to arrange it mid week. S is a success although I do worry about his emotions and stress in all this and w and I are taking a keen interest.

[Vanilla]

I am heating the Indian as we speak. Some poppadoms and three onion chutney?

Don't mind if I do.........
Sending some over!

V

[edz]

Guess bft must've eaten it v! Just got back from w's. W called earlier today to ask could I bring S's game controller as he has a friend staying tonight. Did so and stopped for a coffee, that became picking up pizza for them and being invited to stay for dinner and a glass of wine. More chatting this evening won't go into it all but w is opening up seems she's still wanting more time to see if these changes in me are permanent after "years of cr@p" and having space to think. She said mostly its everyone not just me and especially her mother.

Will be round again tomorrow morning to pick up s and friend to drop him back home and take s swimming and then back to the house. W did turn to me and say she will come to lunch on Sunday if that's ok with me.

So progress, slow and by no means any kind of confirmation well head toward piecing any time soon way away from her committing to reconciling yet but were talking and listening to each other the most we have in a very long time.

So...onwards and carry on with what's working it seems.

[Vanilla]

It takes a long time to turn a tanker, but once turned it will take a long time to go off course again Edz. A speedboat moves quickly, turns a great deal and can't go into uncharted waters.

It is time, it takes a long time to DB., and to achieve success.

Slowly, slowly and it works.

You did not need the Indian after all!

V

[Ggrass]

So had the thing disappeared?
Sounds like a good time and things are moving in a good way.

[edz]

Morning all

Thanks we'll see I suppose!

Thing wasn't mentioned by w gg, I have nothing saying its gone away completely or that w isn't still chewing it all over in her mind. Just have to see.

[Sotto]

Morning Edz, that all sounds interesting. As you say - sloooooooow - is the watchword. Keep making your own plans, and being open to inching forwards with no expectations.

Did yoga GAL start yet??

T :-)

[Vanilla]

Edz

Vino recommendation Turners Road reserva Chardonnay circa £5 Sainsbury. Yummie

V

[edz]

Hi guys

All slow ahead toots. No benefit in rushing at anything especially after a chat last night gave me the take away points that she needs everyone to stop pushing her (she said I'm not doing this its friends suggesting dating etc her mother asking what she's doing and suggestions on work action etc its all a bit much) as well as she knows I've changed its impossible not to see for a start I'm the smallest I've been since 2003 when we both put on a lot of weight. I think she's more seeing if the personality 180s and especially relation with s stick or if there's backsliding she's most afraid I think of trying and having to leave again and the impact on s. My job to stay consistent and that's not a problem, told her this is me now and I'm getting on with things and that's completely the case.

Not going to torture myself or worry either or at least attempt not to, im just kicking back. Today has been normal start no exercises since swimming was first thing but showered nice clothes hair tidy and gelled, shaved, cologne etc and then round to w and taking sons friend back to his mum (helped w reassemble S's room after the sleepover to save her back while they finished breakfast) and hour and a half in the pool with s, shopping for lunch tomorrow (will be making roast lamb,roast potatoes carrots spring greens broccoli Yorkshire pudding and a strawberry flan) kicking back with a coffee right now and trying not to think of eating! S having a rest after apparently being up half the night with friend.

W off to lunch with a work friend w and she worked at the job she's now leaving so they're having a good natter. W did say she didn't really want to go but I said shed enjoy it if she did and ironically she's turning quite reluctant to go out so she's off suggested she have a nap while shes got the opportunity.as s and friend kept her awake as well!

S and I are off out again in 30 mins or so for a nice tablecloth and a few bits from home base much to his grumblings of sore feet!

Thanks for the recommendation v, little red corvette came on my music player you popped into my head then there was your post just got a dino Romagna doc sangiovese a pinotage Shiraz and a Chardonnay viognier from tesco so will give yours a try next week!

Other than that tonight will be time playing with s and then a bath after today, tomorrow will be housework and cooking then not sure Monday open right now but I know w and s are going to mil for spag bol so I may well sort out my remaining old clothes and go up to the charity collection area and possibly get a cheap wardrobe and some more soft furnish bits as I want some more hominess here we shall see.

Yoga is Wednesday toots bank holiday delayed it a bit and I got the day wrong too doh!